Conclusion to my 2nd to last post :)

Conclusion: It feels good to let it out sometimes... Maybe not in a hysterical crying way (lol), but def. in a talk about things calmly sort of way :)

Yesterday I had the chance to calmly discuss some of what R and I are going through with a family member. And I gotta tell ya... It felt pretty good :) Now there wasn't any intense emotional conversation, but it was nice that some one was showing some compassion towards our struggle. Not to say that other people don't, but sometimes once people know we have been ttc for a while w/o success they don't say anything about our problem, are very careful to not mention anything baby around us, or almost avoid "it" all together.

Now, I know I blog a lot about insensitive things people say, so it may sound like a contradiction when I say it feels good to discuss our issues with others BUT there is a difference in asking questions for selfish/judgemental reasons and asking them bc you are truly concerned. I love discussing things with those "truly concerned"... it is like free (and much needed) therapy, LOL.

When people literally avoid discussing anything baby with me it makes me feel like they look at me as if something is wrong with me :-/ Like "infertility" is some sort of plague that you should be ashamed of.

On the other hand, there are times that it is hard for me to hear people talk about pregnancy, babies, birth plans. BUT HEY!.. I'm a big girl. If I need to leave the room and cry or pray by myself I'll do it. I would rather mourn not being pregnant than feel like a hush comes over the room when I/we walk in.
P.S. When I do need to "leave the room." I don't need a lot of attention bc of it. Maybe just a little prayer or a hug is all, and some understanding that "it is ok to cry or be upset at times."

"Can I handle all that baby talk?" Well some days yes and some days no... But I definitely know that I cannot handle being isolated from friends/family who are pregnant just bc we are not yet.

Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:10

Q & A

People ask me a lot of questions when they find out we have been trying to concieve a child for the past 2 1/2 years. So as a way of answering them on here I've decided to start a Q & A on my blog...

I hope my venting about people's insensitive comments on here has not hindered anyone who is truly concerned from asking us questions. I absolutely realize most people are coming from a good place when they ask/say things about our baby making status. More than anything I need to pray that I have patience and understanding when educating them about all we're going through. So if you have any questions you have held back on out of fear of getting blog bashed, no worries, ask away, lol.

1. Have You and R considered adopting?
• Absolutely. If God calls us to adopt we are absolutely prepared to do so :)
2. If your tests came back "normal" then there probably isn't a problem, right?
• Well, not necessarily... So far our tests have came back normal. However, there are still tests which we have not done, and will not do anytime soon because it would be very invasive on my body. One day we may look into that, but right now we have decided not too.
3. Could taking birth control pills be what is causing your infertility?
• In my case, No. We know my body is producing eggs and we know that my hormone levels have indicated that I have in fact ovulated. Birth control prevents ovulation from happening; so if I were having some "run-off effect" from birth control, I would not ovulate.
4. I know people who have gotten pregnant after years of trying, could that happen to y'all?
• Absolutely! We are well aware that God's timing is definitely not in line with our timing. And yes, miracles DO happen. But not everyone will share their anatomical, reproductive health openly with you. There could have been a change in that person's body within those years that allowed them to become pregnant.
5.   Are you ever angry with God?
• Sadly, some days, my anger will get the best of me. However, I know in my heart of hearts, from studying God's word, that this is not a punishment from God. And I immediately seek forgiveness when I become angry. After all... His plan will prevail
6. Why aren't you more open with your experiences in trying to concieve?
• Truthfully... I am not 100% sure on this answer, lol. Partly because I do not want to be subjected to constant questioning/comments on what we are dealing with. Partly because I do not want to be involved in a "pity party". Partly because it may be too private for just anyone to become involved with. And partly out of FEAR... Fear of being the "talk of town", fear of being judged by others, fear of putting myself out their and getting hurt..
• However, lately I am finding that it is impossible for those people who can become pregnant easily to understand the pain that results from not being able to concieve easily (if at all). Their well-intentioned comments of trying to make it seem "not-so bad" usually cut right to my heart. I am praying for patience when listening to other's careless words. I am praying that God will give me the words to effectively express what I am going through to others, so that they will realize how painful this is.
7. Have you thought about a surrogate?
• As of right now there really isn't a reason to think about it. If we discover something is anatomically/biologically wrong with my uterus we may have to discuss it. But I am not certain if that would be an option that is right for us.
• When we make decisions concerning treatment (or any important decision) I try to ask myself is this self-serving or God-serving? and that usually makes the answer clear :)
8.   Have you lost faith that you will have your own kids one day?
• NO INDEED! My faith in God's sovereignty is what has gotten me through all of this. I feel positive about adoption and about concieving. One does not exclude the other in my mind. I have not "given up" the idea of getting pregnant. I am simply letting God have that worry. I am choosing not to burden myself with something He is in control of and instead delight in what He is giving to me right now --> a heart for parenting. And whether biological or adopted, our kids will be our "own kids" :) That's how I see it, and that is how I am able to be upbeat either way. It has taken a while to get to this point so that is why I am excited about it. Not to say that there aren't days that I long to be pregnant, but ultimately I know God's plan is perfect and all will be as it should be.
• Also, exploring ways to help with the process of conception is in no way a loss of faith on our part. According to Malachi 2:15 God seeks godly offspring, and why should we shut out the gift of ARTs to assist us in pleasing the Lord. Some will say "It is not God's will for you to get pregnant, you should let him have control." And I say to that HE is in control. I can't "let Him" have it. He is the ALMIGHTY GOD. And if I were going against His design for my body's function I could see a point. But not all ARTs are crazy cloning, embryo destructing treatments. God is not inflicting this suffering and pain on me to cause me agony, it is a result from the fall of man and sin. I believe He is teaching us so much through it :)