Well the 2 1/2 year anniversary (this month) of R and I ttc is starting to sting a little :-/ It's probably because everyone and their mother are pregnant, lol. Don't get me wrong I am happy for them, but all to often I am reminded that after 2 1/2 years we aren't there yet. Of course my emotional state has improved since a year ago. Thanks to the Lord, there are so many "easy days" now. Days I do not dwell on not being a mother; days I am soooooooo content; days I am elated about other people's great news of being pregnant.
I guess I just sit and wonder at times if R and I are so great with kids and have experience with taking care of them and doing a good job at it, why aren't we the ones expecting? I sit back and hope these women with pregnancies realize what a gift they have been given with their buns in the oven. Not that I am an authority on telling others what to be thankful for or anything. I just hope they realize that they have an amazing gift that not every other person is able to have.
Although I know God has a perfect plan for us, it still hurts every month when AF shows up, it still hurts when everyone around me gets pregnant easily and we are wanting it so badly.
I know our day will come... One day we will be ecstatic and know the amazing blessing that a child brings. One day we will love a child with all our might. One day we will decorate the nursery, register, plan family outings and and the rest that comes with loving a baby. I'm looking forward to it and when I think about those times we will spend together as a family I smile :)
Showing posts with label Difficult times. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Difficult times. Show all posts
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
How does it feel ?
I have had people try to compare our struggle with trying to become pregnant with their "bad days" or "wanting a day off" or "a day with their misbahaving children" or "wishing they could go back to when they were childless" I KNOW ALMOST ALL OF THESE REMARKS ARE WELL INTENTIONED. That is why I try to let them roll off my back. Because it is impossible for them to truly feel my hurt unless they have experienced it. (Also if you are reading this and have said one of the above. No hard feelings at all! you are not the enemy and I know that)
However, unless any of the above thought-to-be comparable situations send you into a sobbing panic attack where you find it hard to breathe and you cannot even think of speaking because words simply cannot be formed b/t your sobs, your eyes nearly swell shut from crying so hard, and this happens over and over and over again... It just doesn't come close to comparing. I promise that I am not a being overly dramatic and throwing a fit because I can't have something I want and it makes me upset; instead it is a real physical and emotional pain that I have never felt before this in my life! I do not enjoy crying so hard I can't see or having a hard time breathing, it is just HOW I FEEL on somedays.
I AM ABSOLUTELY IN NO WAY LOOKING FOR A PITY PARTY... But I have a hard time explaining "how I feel about what we are experiencing" to anyone. Since I was very young I have had this thought that I am supposed to be strong and never appear weak (or cry so hard I can't breathe around others). And BOY O BOY how that line of thinking has been turned upside down with this ordeal, lol. I know God is using this time to help me realize I need Him and I do not have to be strong because He is strong for me... I know He wants me to break down in sobs and cry out for help. And I am realizing more and more each day that is what I need to do. And I often do...
BUT when I am discussing our troubles with others it is hard for me to do this... I don't know why, but I just feel the urge to "put on that brave face" and hold back the tears. I literally have had to leave social/family gatherings because I know I am about to breakdown. A friend of mine going through a very similar situation once said "It is like trying to keep that knot in your throat in one spot..." so it does not burst into an uncontrolable breakdown. and I knew exactly what knot she was referring too because I have that same knot everytime I discuss our babymaking obstacles with someone. And then I think "what if?"
What if I stopped trying to control that knot? Would that help others understand what I am feeling? Would it help me to let it out to other people?
I am not sure what the answer to that is. I know that when I "let go" when I am alone with God or with my husband once the tears have passed, sometimes that takes 10 minutes and sometimes it takes 4 hours (literally), I feel an amazing peace and comfort come over me.
So... How do I feel when that intense pain comes over me?.. It is all I can do to not fall to the ground (literally), I have a hard time speaking to or seeing people (even if it is a phone call), I literally cannot form words, I literally have to remind myself to breathe, my chest aches, I can hardly see, and I am not really angry... just hurting; that's the best I can describe it. Sometimes it's just 10 minutes and other times it goes on for hours. At the end of it I somehow feel better... but it is an exhausting ordeal :)
I can't control it
BUT God can :)
However, unless any of the above thought-to-be comparable situations send you into a sobbing panic attack where you find it hard to breathe and you cannot even think of speaking because words simply cannot be formed b/t your sobs, your eyes nearly swell shut from crying so hard, and this happens over and over and over again... It just doesn't come close to comparing. I promise that I am not a being overly dramatic and throwing a fit because I can't have something I want and it makes me upset; instead it is a real physical and emotional pain that I have never felt before this in my life! I do not enjoy crying so hard I can't see or having a hard time breathing, it is just HOW I FEEL on somedays.
I AM ABSOLUTELY IN NO WAY LOOKING FOR A PITY PARTY... But I have a hard time explaining "how I feel about what we are experiencing" to anyone. Since I was very young I have had this thought that I am supposed to be strong and never appear weak (or cry so hard I can't breathe around others). And BOY O BOY how that line of thinking has been turned upside down with this ordeal, lol. I know God is using this time to help me realize I need Him and I do not have to be strong because He is strong for me... I know He wants me to break down in sobs and cry out for help. And I am realizing more and more each day that is what I need to do. And I often do...
BUT when I am discussing our troubles with others it is hard for me to do this... I don't know why, but I just feel the urge to "put on that brave face" and hold back the tears. I literally have had to leave social/family gatherings because I know I am about to breakdown. A friend of mine going through a very similar situation once said "It is like trying to keep that knot in your throat in one spot..." so it does not burst into an uncontrolable breakdown. and I knew exactly what knot she was referring too because I have that same knot everytime I discuss our babymaking obstacles with someone. And then I think "what if?"
What if I stopped trying to control that knot? Would that help others understand what I am feeling? Would it help me to let it out to other people?
I am not sure what the answer to that is. I know that when I "let go" when I am alone with God or with my husband once the tears have passed, sometimes that takes 10 minutes and sometimes it takes 4 hours (literally), I feel an amazing peace and comfort come over me.
So... How do I feel when that intense pain comes over me?.. It is all I can do to not fall to the ground (literally), I have a hard time speaking to or seeing people (even if it is a phone call), I literally cannot form words, I literally have to remind myself to breathe, my chest aches, I can hardly see, and I am not really angry... just hurting; that's the best I can describe it. Sometimes it's just 10 minutes and other times it goes on for hours. At the end of it I somehow feel better... but it is an exhausting ordeal :)
I can't control it
BUT God can :)
Friday, December 2, 2011
Amazing advice!
"As a "fertile woman" how do I deal with my infertile sister (or close friend)?"
Melissa's Answer:I don't remember a specific verse or book...in fact, I don't know of a book that helps a family member/close friend walk through the journey of infertility. BUT, what God taught me LOUD and CLEAR is that
no matter WHAT was said to me or about me or implied to me or about me no matter how angry or cold Rachel may have seemed towards me (at times..not all the time) this was NOT about me
this was about a much deeper battle that, despite seeming like it was aimed at me at times, had nothing to do with me
The inability to conceive was the enemy
I couldn't say anything to make it better
All I could do was listen
pray
ask if I could ask questions...and be ok if she said noIt seemed that the more I allowed her to JUST BE when she was with me, the more natural it was
GRACE is a necessity when walking along side someone going through something so big
As someone who CAN have children easily, we MUST understand that we will NEVER understand what its like to WANT a child so badly....period.
At the same time, the person going through infertility must understand that, if not careful, they can REALLY hurt the people they love. And that the people they love, aren't the enemy. And they really DON'T understand what you are going through...not b.c they don't want to understand, but b.c they CAN'T understand.
it is SUCH a delicate road to walk"
Wow... The woman who wrote got pregnant within a month of trying while her sister struggles with infertility. Amazing words of wisdom
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Ugly Truth
Today I am realizing the mistake I have made in planning a large portion my life to revolve around one thing happening... I clearly have too much time on my hands today :(
It is exhausting to be strong in front of everyone. It is exhausting to dwell on the fact that we are not parents. It is exhausting to try to explain your emotions to other people who do not understand. It is exhausting to always be "Aunt L" and never "Mom".
I am tired of crying, yet tired of putting on a brave face for others to see. Tired of staying positive. Tired of insensitive comments. Tired of being compared to such-and-such's friend who took 5 years, or 10 years, or 2 years to get pregnant. Tired of feeling as if I may break down at any second. Just slap worn out over it all... Wish I could hit a switch and turn off my emotions at my convienence.
This is not a typical day for me... But honestly this is what I feel like right this minute... This is the "Ugly Truth" about bad days with infertility.
Praying for some understanding and peace that only God is capable of providing.
I have no idea which step to take next. I have been in the word searching for an answer, praying diligently for a light bulb to go off in my head. Wondering if I have missed something. I don't know which direction God is wanting me to go and why He is keeping His plan for His glory so far away from me (or at least it seems far away)... I don't know what to do. Whether to go left, right, straight, or just stand still. Feels like I am stuck in neutral while all the other cars fly by me. Just praying, praying, praying for something to give... Wish my path would become a little straighter.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10
- 2 years ago we traded in my 2 door car for a more "family-friendly" SUV.
- 2 years ago I decided to change my career aspirations to something that would be more family friendly. therefore discontinuing my college aspirations because my one true passion was to be a mom.
- 3 years ago we bought a large 5 bedroom house because we planned on having a large family.
It is exhausting to be strong in front of everyone. It is exhausting to dwell on the fact that we are not parents. It is exhausting to try to explain your emotions to other people who do not understand. It is exhausting to always be "Aunt L" and never "Mom".
I am tired of crying, yet tired of putting on a brave face for others to see. Tired of staying positive. Tired of insensitive comments. Tired of being compared to such-and-such's friend who took 5 years, or 10 years, or 2 years to get pregnant. Tired of feeling as if I may break down at any second. Just slap worn out over it all... Wish I could hit a switch and turn off my emotions at my convienence.
This is not a typical day for me... But honestly this is what I feel like right this minute... This is the "Ugly Truth" about bad days with infertility.
Praying for some understanding and peace that only God is capable of providing.
I have no idea which step to take next. I have been in the word searching for an answer, praying diligently for a light bulb to go off in my head. Wondering if I have missed something. I don't know which direction God is wanting me to go and why He is keeping His plan for His glory so far away from me (or at least it seems far away)... I don't know what to do. Whether to go left, right, straight, or just stand still. Feels like I am stuck in neutral while all the other cars fly by me. Just praying, praying, praying for something to give... Wish my path would become a little straighter.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Envy
Before we started our journey of trying to concieve a child I would have never described myself as someone who envyed others. I was never concerned with having more things, money, a better house, etc. I had all I ever wanted as far as I knew. I had a loving husband, a roof over my head, and food on our table. What more could I want???
Well, let me just say, once it became clear that we weren't one of those couples who become pregnant with the snap of our fingers envy reared her evil head! lol
I looked at a pregnant woman and thought "I want that." I looked at new mothers cuddling with their newborns and thought "I want that." I'm ashamed to say, I could no longer hear that another woman was expecting without my mind going directly to my own desires for a child. I hated these envious thoughts that ran through my head everytime I saw a friend's ultrasound or status update on facebook announcing their good news. There I was happy and content as can be, and now all I wanted was what someone else had; so much so that I completely missed the miracle that God had given to these happy couples and mothers. I missed the celebrating, the good news, and all the other good things that come with news of expecting mothers.
Although I will never be completely rid of envy, I can happily say "congratulations!" to expectant friends because I would never want another couple to struggle as we have. Pushing that envy aside grows easier everyday because of God's immeasurable love He has given to me. There are still days I struggle, days I question, days I idolize, but by God's grace I am able to come back to the peace that He so generously offers.
But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. James 3:14-16
A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. Proverbs 14:30
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 1 Cor 13:4
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Song of Solomon 8:6
"That Girl..."
So... it turns out I am "that girl who can't get pregnant"... Man it stinks somedays. Somedays I wish I were the one showing my husband a positive pregnancy test, and seeing his eyes light up. Somedays I wish I were the one thinking of ways to tell our families the news; thinking of how to decorate the nursery; sharing the "good news" with everyone around us.
But what can I share... I can share my "good news". After all, good news also means gospel. And there is no greater news then what Jesus Christ has done for me, and how He has changed my life :) That's what I can share and hold fast too... I may never get to pick out crib bedding, register at babies r us, or frame an ultrasound picture for my parents. But I am truly blessed to be able to share how Jesus is working in my life, and all He has done for me.
"And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation."
Mark 16:15
But what can I share... I can share my "good news". After all, good news also means gospel. And there is no greater news then what Jesus Christ has done for me, and how He has changed my life :) That's what I can share and hold fast too... I may never get to pick out crib bedding, register at babies r us, or frame an ultrasound picture for my parents. But I am truly blessed to be able to share how Jesus is working in my life, and all He has done for me.
"And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation."
Mark 16:15
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Things To Do Before Visiting The Infertility Doctor
I wish I would have had a "to do" list before we made our intial doctors appointment with Dr. W, our RE. So in case someone else is wondering what to do before visiting here is my 2 cents on it :)
1. PRAY! Pray for guidance and wisdom during this journey. This is absolutely the most important part of the process to me.
2. Only you know when to pick up the phone and schedule the appointment. Keep in mind you are not considered "infertile" until you have tried to concieve for a year without success, or until you have tried to concieve for 6 months without success if you are over 35 years of age. Once you have reached one of those points YOU will know when the time is right for YOU.
3. Remember you are not alone in making this decision. Consult your spouse and explore what his or her feelings are about scheduling an appointment. Talk about reservations that you may have about the appointment.
4. Get in touch with your insurance about coverage that they offer for infertility testing. Most insurances offer little to no coverage for infertility testing and treatments, and unfortunately the bills can quickly get overwhelming. If you have a budget, discuss exactly what you will budget before beginning the infertility journey.
5. Decide what you are looking for in an RE. We wanted a fairly conservative RE with the least invasive amount of testing/treatment as possible.
5. If possible obtain references for doctors. If a friend or family member pursued IF tests/treatments ask them about their doctor and if they would use them again.
6. Talk to someone who shares your faith for an extra perspective on your situation. Ask your pastor if they know anyone who has been in a similar situation that you could speak with.
And there are my thoughts on that! :) Of course you can add some things or take some things away, but I believe making sure to do the above things can save you some time and some headaches.
KEEP GOD'S GLORY ON THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND ALL OF THE TIME. When in doubt pray, pray, and pray some more.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
1. PRAY! Pray for guidance and wisdom during this journey. This is absolutely the most important part of the process to me.
2. Only you know when to pick up the phone and schedule the appointment. Keep in mind you are not considered "infertile" until you have tried to concieve for a year without success, or until you have tried to concieve for 6 months without success if you are over 35 years of age. Once you have reached one of those points YOU will know when the time is right for YOU.
3. Remember you are not alone in making this decision. Consult your spouse and explore what his or her feelings are about scheduling an appointment. Talk about reservations that you may have about the appointment.
4. Get in touch with your insurance about coverage that they offer for infertility testing. Most insurances offer little to no coverage for infertility testing and treatments, and unfortunately the bills can quickly get overwhelming. If you have a budget, discuss exactly what you will budget before beginning the infertility journey.
5. Decide what you are looking for in an RE. We wanted a fairly conservative RE with the least invasive amount of testing/treatment as possible.
5. If possible obtain references for doctors. If a friend or family member pursued IF tests/treatments ask them about their doctor and if they would use them again.
6. Talk to someone who shares your faith for an extra perspective on your situation. Ask your pastor if they know anyone who has been in a similar situation that you could speak with.
And there are my thoughts on that! :) Of course you can add some things or take some things away, but I believe making sure to do the above things can save you some time and some headaches.
KEEP GOD'S GLORY ON THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND ALL OF THE TIME. When in doubt pray, pray, and pray some more.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Saturday, October 22, 2011
What not to say to an infertile person
Well I heard it again yesterday... Another invasive set of questions, another set of ridiculous suggestions.
It really feels uneasy to me when I say "Who knows we may just not be parents or not be able to have our own kids." And I hear "I don't think you guys are at that point yet." REALLY... U "dont think" we are there yet, and you would know how??? Are you secretly a Reproductive Specialists and I never knew about it... Do you know more about my/our fertility than I do??? I don't think so.
The fact is Mr. R and I have decided to keep some things to ourselves, so to say u "don't think" we are at that point is a bit ridiculous bc how could you have all the facts! And what if we are at that point... What if we adopt...What is "that point" that you speak of exactly??? despair, hopelessness, doom???
Of course I am hopeful that we will concieve our own child. Believe me... That is what I am hoping for. But if this experience has taught me anything it is that nothing is certain or guaranteed! The only certainty we can find is in Christ. Not what "we think" should happen.
I know I am just venting, but comments like this make me wanna forget about opening up about infertility to anyone.
Other comments not to say to an infertile:
U can borrow my kids anytime
Be thankful u haven't had any yet (from someone who's kids misbehave)
How's his sperm count/your eggs (just a bit personal)
It'll happen when it's supposed to happen (this one is true, but I hear it so often I wanna pull my hair out)
You're thinking about it too much (some how my wrong thoughts are causing this. Really?)
Well I would adopt if I was to have problems concieving (adoption won't heal the loss of never being able carry or give birth. While adoption is a blessing I would never want it to be our "last resort". It should be our path God led us down)
Maybe you should just stop trying and it will happen.
Almost everyone who battles infertility is much more educated than the average public about infertility. Chances are they've heard your advice a hundred times already. Just think before you speak is all :)
It really feels uneasy to me when I say "Who knows we may just not be parents or not be able to have our own kids." And I hear "I don't think you guys are at that point yet." REALLY... U "dont think" we are there yet, and you would know how??? Are you secretly a Reproductive Specialists and I never knew about it... Do you know more about my/our fertility than I do??? I don't think so.
The fact is Mr. R and I have decided to keep some things to ourselves, so to say u "don't think" we are at that point is a bit ridiculous bc how could you have all the facts! And what if we are at that point... What if we adopt...What is "that point" that you speak of exactly??? despair, hopelessness, doom???
Of course I am hopeful that we will concieve our own child. Believe me... That is what I am hoping for. But if this experience has taught me anything it is that nothing is certain or guaranteed! The only certainty we can find is in Christ. Not what "we think" should happen.
I know I am just venting, but comments like this make me wanna forget about opening up about infertility to anyone.
Other comments not to say to an infertile:
U can borrow my kids anytime
Be thankful u haven't had any yet (from someone who's kids misbehave)
How's his sperm count/your eggs (just a bit personal)
It'll happen when it's supposed to happen (this one is true, but I hear it so often I wanna pull my hair out)
You're thinking about it too much (some how my wrong thoughts are causing this. Really?)
Well I would adopt if I was to have problems concieving (adoption won't heal the loss of never being able carry or give birth. While adoption is a blessing I would never want it to be our "last resort". It should be our path God led us down)
Maybe you should just stop trying and it will happen.
Almost everyone who battles infertility is much more educated than the average public about infertility. Chances are they've heard your advice a hundred times already. Just think before you speak is all :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
In a nut shell
I've decided rather than several tiny posts documenting my journey with the RE, I will group them into one big post :)
September 8th: Today we went to see Dr. W for an ultrasound, and talk about some meds. The u/s was normal; no abnormalities, cysts, etc. Thank the Lord! And we have decided to try Clomid with an IUI...
Clomid will help me ovulate and cause my ovaries to produce more eggs; increasing potential targets for Mr. R's sperm... Clomid is said to increase your chances for twins by 6%-10%, and for triplets or more by 1%. However, we will be doing another u/s before insemination to see how many follicles have formed to make sure the Clomid hasn't had any crazy effects on me.
Side effects of Clomid can basically magnify any PMS symptoms you usually have... Moodiness, bloating, breast tenderness, hot flashes, etc. There are no increased risked for the egg as far as abnormalities or defects :)
The IUI, intrauterine insemination, is basically, "Making a baby without the fun part" as Dr. E so eloquently says, lol. They will take my hubby's sperm and place them directly into my uterus in hopes to increase the number of sperm that will reach my fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg.You can find more information about IUIs by clicking here.
This does not guarantee that we will get pregnant, it just makes the timing right and circumstances optimal. The sperm still has to seek out the egg from the uterus and make it to the egg on it's own. And my body must do all of it's work correctly as well. The IUI just gives us an advantage.
So this is what my calender is looking like...
Day 5-9 (of my cycle) take Clomid
Day 14 u/s to examine follicle growth and hCG injection (pending all is ok with u/s)
Day 16 IUI (sept. 22)
Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst... Prayer, prayer, prayer... Feeling good about it all though :)
It is, and always will be, in God's hands. And we are both very thankful for that!
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Sept 14
Well Day 4 of Clomid... 1 more to go. And Im feeling good. So far there have been no crazy side effects or nausea...
I am 100% content and happy with the decision we made to proceed with an IUI. We have discussed what our limits are, in terms of treatment, and where our stopping point would be. After much prayer and discussion it is nice to finally have a clear line. I believe that it is extremely important for every couple battling infertility to discuss their limits before seeking testing and treatment. Anyone is capable of letting their emotions affect their decision making. And when dealing with an emotional rollercoaster such as infertility, it is best to decide your limits while you have a clear mind.
We are praying that God's glory will continue to be first in our hearts above anything else. And we are praying for His guidance and His wisdom. It is amazing to feel the holy spirit leading us in such a clear direction :)
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Sept 19
So... It's Monday. In 1 day I will go get my HcG shot to induce ovulation. Yesterday Mr. R said "Only 2 more days." And I had no idea what he was talking about. A year ago I would've had a countdown on the bathroom mirror, lol. God has given me so much peace and freedom from worry compared to where I was last year. I am so thankful for his provision :)
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Sept 20
So... This a.m. Mr. R and I went down to Dr. W's for the HcG shot (to induce ovulation). They did an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries were developing properly and found that I have two "great-looking" follicles on my Right side :) and now we have a 6% chance of twins :-D My estrogen levels needed to be at least 300 (150 for ea follicle) and they were over 800 so that's great too!
I felt the urge to let out a big "WOOHOO!" However my practical side sometimes gets in the way of that, lol. I think it is a self-protection mechanism... I dont want to celebrate to much for fear of being let down. BUT, I need to let that fear go. God is great and he is the overseer of life and abudance; he is capable of any and all things. I should not doubt his power and provision in my life. So "Yiippee! two follicles is great. Thank you God!"
In two days we will go back to Dr. W for the IUI. We talked more about the ethical side of IUIs on the way home. More of the "Is this decision pleasing to God?" talk. And we discussed the man in the flood story.
"There once was a man trapped on his house in a flood. Soon the waters over took him and he began to wade and prayed for God to intervene and rescue him. A rescue helicopter flew by and tried to save him, but he refused them and said 'My God is coming to save me.' A little while later a rescue boat came by and he responded the same way. The man eventually drowned. When he got to Heaven he asked God 'Father, I cried out to you for help. Why didn't you save me?' God responded with 'Who do you think sent the helicopter and boat!'"
This is not to say that all treatments of infertility are right within God's eyes. But the research we have done has revealed to us that God intended for his covenant family to grow. Sin of this world has made conception more difficult for some. While we would never be ok doing certain infertility treatments, we would accept some help to become pregnant. We would supplement our bodies with vitamins if they were lacking, we would remove a tumor even if it were benign, we would do an IUI if it bettered our chances of fulfulling our "God-given calling to be bearers and nurturers". We have prayed and prayed for help, and this IUI may just be that "helicopter or boat" from the other story :)
BUT, if it is not. May Glory be to God all the same :) We are aware there is no way of knowing exactly what His plan is. And although I am praying that His plan is for us to conceive a child, His plan may not be for us to concieve right now. And that is ok because He has promised us that He does indeed have a plan for us :)
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Sept. 22
Today was the day! IUI day that is :) I feel great, some minor cramping. Going to take it easy for the next couple of weeks. Praying that we are able to concieve a child if it is God's will. God is faithful and will see us through.
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Sept. 26
So It's been 5 days since our IUI and for the first 4 days I experienced cramping; which has subdued today. Trying to take it easy... No jogging, jumpjacks, etc. LOL. Not sure if "taking it easy" matters or not. I'm trying not to dwell on the matter too much. Trying to remember that I should dwell on things that are Christ centered and remembering that He has taken on the burden of my worry. Go back in 2 days too measure progesterone levels to make sure I ovulated. So that is all for today :) Praying
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
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Oct. 1
So 2 days ago I went to have my Progesterone levels checked. They needed to be over 6 to indicate that I had ovulated this cycle... and they were at 36 :-D Yay!
So now... We wait... and wait... and wait... We have become experts at waiting over the past 2 years so this should be no sweat, Right? I would love to look into a crystal ball and know the yes or no to our question. BUT God does not work that way. We are definitely learning patience and that He is in control; so crystal ball or no crystal ball... it is in God's hands and for that reason I am truly not content :-)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
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Oct. 6
Well Aunt Flow showed up last night... I know it will be ok, I know God has a plan beyond my comprehension... I know. But that doesn't take away the pain I am feeling right know. Sad... yep. Tears... yep. Just Heartache right now...
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Oct. 9
Feeling better :) Today I tried to imagine the worst possible thing that could happen in this situation. And that would be that Mr. R and I never become parents. Thinking about that and knowing that it would not be the end of our world is comforting. We do not need to be parents for our lives to be complete. Our lives are complete in Christ and with each other :)
Of course I still want to be a mom someday, I'm not sure if that desire will ever change; But my world will not fall apart if it doesn't happen.
September 8th: Today we went to see Dr. W for an ultrasound, and talk about some meds. The u/s was normal; no abnormalities, cysts, etc. Thank the Lord! And we have decided to try Clomid with an IUI...
Clomid will help me ovulate and cause my ovaries to produce more eggs; increasing potential targets for Mr. R's sperm... Clomid is said to increase your chances for twins by 6%-10%, and for triplets or more by 1%. However, we will be doing another u/s before insemination to see how many follicles have formed to make sure the Clomid hasn't had any crazy effects on me.
Side effects of Clomid can basically magnify any PMS symptoms you usually have... Moodiness, bloating, breast tenderness, hot flashes, etc. There are no increased risked for the egg as far as abnormalities or defects :)
The IUI, intrauterine insemination, is basically, "Making a baby without the fun part" as Dr. E so eloquently says, lol. They will take my hubby's sperm and place them directly into my uterus in hopes to increase the number of sperm that will reach my fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg.You can find more information about IUIs by clicking here.
This does not guarantee that we will get pregnant, it just makes the timing right and circumstances optimal. The sperm still has to seek out the egg from the uterus and make it to the egg on it's own. And my body must do all of it's work correctly as well. The IUI just gives us an advantage.
So this is what my calender is looking like...
Day 5-9 (of my cycle) take Clomid
Day 14 u/s to examine follicle growth and hCG injection (pending all is ok with u/s)
Day 16 IUI (sept. 22)
Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst... Prayer, prayer, prayer... Feeling good about it all though :)
It is, and always will be, in God's hands. And we are both very thankful for that!
_______________________________________________________________
Sept 14
Well Day 4 of Clomid... 1 more to go. And Im feeling good. So far there have been no crazy side effects or nausea...
I am 100% content and happy with the decision we made to proceed with an IUI. We have discussed what our limits are, in terms of treatment, and where our stopping point would be. After much prayer and discussion it is nice to finally have a clear line. I believe that it is extremely important for every couple battling infertility to discuss their limits before seeking testing and treatment. Anyone is capable of letting their emotions affect their decision making. And when dealing with an emotional rollercoaster such as infertility, it is best to decide your limits while you have a clear mind.
We are praying that God's glory will continue to be first in our hearts above anything else. And we are praying for His guidance and His wisdom. It is amazing to feel the holy spirit leading us in such a clear direction :)
______________________________________________________________
Sept 19
So... It's Monday. In 1 day I will go get my HcG shot to induce ovulation. Yesterday Mr. R said "Only 2 more days." And I had no idea what he was talking about. A year ago I would've had a countdown on the bathroom mirror, lol. God has given me so much peace and freedom from worry compared to where I was last year. I am so thankful for his provision :)
______________________________________________________________
Sept 20
So... This a.m. Mr. R and I went down to Dr. W's for the HcG shot (to induce ovulation). They did an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries were developing properly and found that I have two "great-looking" follicles on my Right side :) and now we have a 6% chance of twins :-D My estrogen levels needed to be at least 300 (150 for ea follicle) and they were over 800 so that's great too!
I felt the urge to let out a big "WOOHOO!" However my practical side sometimes gets in the way of that, lol. I think it is a self-protection mechanism... I dont want to celebrate to much for fear of being let down. BUT, I need to let that fear go. God is great and he is the overseer of life and abudance; he is capable of any and all things. I should not doubt his power and provision in my life. So "Yiippee! two follicles is great. Thank you God!"
In two days we will go back to Dr. W for the IUI. We talked more about the ethical side of IUIs on the way home. More of the "Is this decision pleasing to God?" talk. And we discussed the man in the flood story.
"There once was a man trapped on his house in a flood. Soon the waters over took him and he began to wade and prayed for God to intervene and rescue him. A rescue helicopter flew by and tried to save him, but he refused them and said 'My God is coming to save me.' A little while later a rescue boat came by and he responded the same way. The man eventually drowned. When he got to Heaven he asked God 'Father, I cried out to you for help. Why didn't you save me?' God responded with 'Who do you think sent the helicopter and boat!'"
This is not to say that all treatments of infertility are right within God's eyes. But the research we have done has revealed to us that God intended for his covenant family to grow. Sin of this world has made conception more difficult for some. While we would never be ok doing certain infertility treatments, we would accept some help to become pregnant. We would supplement our bodies with vitamins if they were lacking, we would remove a tumor even if it were benign, we would do an IUI if it bettered our chances of fulfulling our "God-given calling to be bearers and nurturers". We have prayed and prayed for help, and this IUI may just be that "helicopter or boat" from the other story :)
BUT, if it is not. May Glory be to God all the same :) We are aware there is no way of knowing exactly what His plan is. And although I am praying that His plan is for us to conceive a child, His plan may not be for us to concieve right now. And that is ok because He has promised us that He does indeed have a plan for us :)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
_____________________________________________________________
Sept. 22
Today was the day! IUI day that is :) I feel great, some minor cramping. Going to take it easy for the next couple of weeks. Praying that we are able to concieve a child if it is God's will. God is faithful and will see us through.
_____________________________________________________________
Sept. 26
So It's been 5 days since our IUI and for the first 4 days I experienced cramping; which has subdued today. Trying to take it easy... No jogging, jumpjacks, etc. LOL. Not sure if "taking it easy" matters or not. I'm trying not to dwell on the matter too much. Trying to remember that I should dwell on things that are Christ centered and remembering that He has taken on the burden of my worry. Go back in 2 days too measure progesterone levels to make sure I ovulated. So that is all for today :) Praying
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
_____________________________________________________________
Oct. 1
So 2 days ago I went to have my Progesterone levels checked. They needed to be over 6 to indicate that I had ovulated this cycle... and they were at 36 :-D Yay!
So now... We wait... and wait... and wait... We have become experts at waiting over the past 2 years so this should be no sweat, Right? I would love to look into a crystal ball and know the yes or no to our question. BUT God does not work that way. We are definitely learning patience and that He is in control; so crystal ball or no crystal ball... it is in God's hands and for that reason I am truly not content :-)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
____________________________________________________________
Oct. 6
Well Aunt Flow showed up last night... I know it will be ok, I know God has a plan beyond my comprehension... I know. But that doesn't take away the pain I am feeling right know. Sad... yep. Tears... yep. Just Heartache right now...
_____________________________________________________________
Oct. 9
Feeling better :) Today I tried to imagine the worst possible thing that could happen in this situation. And that would be that Mr. R and I never become parents. Thinking about that and knowing that it would not be the end of our world is comforting. We do not need to be parents for our lives to be complete. Our lives are complete in Christ and with each other :)
Of course I still want to be a mom someday, I'm not sure if that desire will ever change; But my world will not fall apart if it doesn't happen.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
My Prayer Today...
My Prayer Today (inspired from a psalm of David, Pslam 22):
"My God... Where are you?
I feel as if you have disappeared from my heart;
abandoned me.
Have you not heard my cries?
I am searching but peace is no where to be found here.
You are the almighty God of David, Abraham, and Isaac
Abba to the Son of Man.
You are Holy; so different from your creation.
You have delivered your people out of turmoil and wrath.
Within your power all things were created.
But have you forgotten me?
I feel so small right now; so insignificant
Please come back to me... Please return to my heart
I am helpless and I know you are the only one who can releive my anguish.
Please deliver me from this sorrow
Amen"
Psalm 22:1-11,19-21 NIV
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.[b]
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
8 “He trusts in the LORD,” they say,
“let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”
9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast on you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
...
19 But you, LORD, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
"My God... Where are you?
I feel as if you have disappeared from my heart;
abandoned me.
Have you not heard my cries?
I am searching but peace is no where to be found here.
You are the almighty God of David, Abraham, and Isaac
Abba to the Son of Man.
You are Holy; so different from your creation.
You have delivered your people out of turmoil and wrath.
Within your power all things were created.
But have you forgotten me?
I feel so small right now; so insignificant
Please come back to me... Please return to my heart
I am helpless and I know you are the only one who can releive my anguish.
Please deliver me from this sorrow
Amen"
Psalm 22:1-11,19-21 NIV
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.[b]
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
8 “He trusts in the LORD,” they say,
“let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”
9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast on you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
...
19 But you, LORD, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I Could Use a Balloon :(
Sometimes God gives us answers as clear as a bell, but other times we just can't hear him. However, scripture teaches us to wait patiently. God has already given us so many answers how could I want the answer to something else. But it would be nice if I could know "When?". Not how or by what means, but when will we be parents. Deep down I know it is in God's best interest that all things are so uncertain. It is the uncertainty of this world that causes us to cling to Him. But some days I am wishing for that, message in a bottle or note in a balloon that says "You and Mr. R will be parents on _______."
However... The answer is here already. I feel like my Father in Heaven is saying "Seek me for your peace, seek me for your comfort, seek me for your family. Put me first before all others." So I am trying my best to push that "When?" question away and to cling to God's plan instead
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
He has laid out a path for us to follow... And it begins and ends with Him :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
I read these words on a fellow bloggers blog and thought it summed up my reaction to other's reaction to my infertility perfectly.
"I wish everyone else around me could be as okay with my barrenness as I am. I'm not a soul waiting to be saved or a belly waiting for its seed. I'm a mom of another breed - and I'm okay with that!"
I think people ask me "when are y'all gonna have some kids?" on a weekly basis. This question used to elicit a very emotional response. But I am getting used to answering it. I think it just comes with the territory of being in your mid 20s and being married for a few years. However it's not them asking that will get my feathers ruffled, it's their reaction to my "Problems conceiveing" (as some dare to refer to my infertility) that can sometimes be frustrating. Sometimes I just wanna say "It's okay! We just may not be able to conceive a child." (Sigh) I pray that I will be patient when answering questions from the curious. Some people are just ignorant of our situation and sometimes in the moment they feel like they should say something and it just isn't always the right thing to say.
Here is a link to her blog if you'd like to visit it :) I enjoy reading it
Monday, August 29, 2011
A Blah Kind of Day
Feeling kind of blah today... Not sure if it is because of the lack of coffee (Im trying to cut back on caffine) or the fact that I have visited baby stores for 2 days in a row... I think I'll cut back on doing that even though it is with my sister and much loved niece.
I saw the most precious baby hat that said "My Daddy Drives a John Deere." And immediately felt that longing feeling, then despair, then guilt... longing for a baby to put in that hat, despair that it may never happen, and then guilt that my husband may not ever have the chance to be a "Daddy (who) Drives a John Deere"... They didn't last long though. Those feelings used to cripple me; Now they just sting a little.
Seems like I go back to that simple childhood prayer "God is great, God is good." It is so simple, but still so true. I'm trusting in the Holy Spirit to lead me on in the correct way.
Love this:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24
Going to take my own advice and turn to prayer and scripture to get me out of this funk.
I saw the most precious baby hat that said "My Daddy Drives a John Deere." And immediately felt that longing feeling, then despair, then guilt... longing for a baby to put in that hat, despair that it may never happen, and then guilt that my husband may not ever have the chance to be a "Daddy (who) Drives a John Deere"... They didn't last long though. Those feelings used to cripple me; Now they just sting a little.
Seems like I go back to that simple childhood prayer "God is great, God is good." It is so simple, but still so true. I'm trusting in the Holy Spirit to lead me on in the correct way.
Love this:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24
Going to take my own advice and turn to prayer and scripture to get me out of this funk.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tips for Family and Friends
Well, tonight was another night I got asked the dreaded question, lol... "So, when are y'all gonna start having babies?" In my mind I was thinking "2 years ago if it were up to me." BUT of course I did not say that. I still haven't found the best answer to that question yet. Most of the time I reply with "I'm not sure." But then the other person usually follows with... "Well, are y'all trying?" "Y'all need some babies?" or "Why not?"
Since we have been trying for so long I have not asked another person whether or not they are going to have kids. I had no idea the heartache one little question could bring. They say 1 out of 6 couples will experience some sort of infertility.
There are two types of infertility. Primary and Secondary. Primary is the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse for patients 35 years old or younger, or the inability to concieve in a 6 month period for those in the over 35 age group. Infertility also includes the inability to carry a pregnancy to term.
Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to concieve or carry a child to termafter one or more live births.
So... Why is it so hard to share with someone if there are so many couples struggling with infertility? I think a big reason for me has been people shrugging it off and saying "You just need more time." "You just need to relax." "Well, you could borrow my kids anytime." I have never experienced heartache comparable to what infertility has caused me. Their have been sooooo many emotions that have come and gone with this trial. Now days, I am much more at peace and content, but there are still days that are hard.
So what do I need from those closest to me... Here are a few tips for friends and family members on how to help someone struggling with infertility:
* Sometimes (Not always) I just need someone to listen. No suggestions, no questions, just silence.
* I need others to acknowledge that the hurt I feel is understandable. I know it is hard for someone who has not experienced the heartache of infertility to understand the pain it can cause. But the heart ache is justifyable. Here is some scripture that I think really gets the point across as to the pain inferitlity can cause.
Proverbs 30:15-16
There are three things that will not be satisfied,
Four that will not say, "Enough":
Sheol, and the barren womb,
Earth that is never satisfied with water,
And fire that nevers says, "Enough."
"Sheol is "the grave" or "death" in the Old Testament. It is personified here with other natural forces as entities that can speak. If they could talk, they would never say "I'm satisfied; I need no more." That is, death would never say, "No one else can die because I'm content that the underworld is full." In the same way, after it has rained, the earth eventually soaks up the water. And a fire, unless it runs out of fuel, will not stop simply because it has burned enough. The barren womb is considered to have a feirce parellel to these natural forces."
* If they do comment on my infertility I would prefer them to keep it simple. Less is more. Saying something like "I'm sorry." "I'm here if you want to talk about it." "I hope your parents someday." "How are you doing?" Those comments do plenty of good for me.
* Accept my honest feelings. Sometimes I need more than just to cry. Sometimes I need to vent and be angry. Encouragement is great, but often I need to "let it all out" and feel comfortable doing so.
* It is nice to hear that my grief is justified. I hate for someone to downplay my feelings and say something like "It's not so bad." or "Why do you let it bother you so much?"
* I will let you know all that I am comfortable with. A simple "How are things?" may get a one word response at one time, and a full 30 minute long conversation the next. When you continue to dig and dig for more information there reaches a point where the conversation is more beneficial for you than it is for me. I will share all that I am comfortable with. When I dodge a question, there is probably a good reason for it. So, for my sake, just let it be, and maybe next time I will be more willing to open up.
*** I need prayers. I used to have a hard time asking others to pray for me. But now I am so thankful when someone says "I've been praying for you." WOW, that brings me instant comfort. Prayer is powerful, and the more the better :)
This is not to critique others responses, but instead help them with the understanding of how they could help a loved one struggling with infertility. Maybe if more people understood, than it would be easier to discuss.
I often ask myself two questions:
Is God good? and Will I trust him?
He is so good, and I will trust Him. Although it is painful at times, He does have a plan for me. His plan for me may not include children at all. But the only way for me to be truly at peace is to rest assured in His plan and Him. Although at times I have wondered how I will go on, I am truly thankful for this entire experience. I have grown more close to God than I could have ever imagined.
Since we have been trying for so long I have not asked another person whether or not they are going to have kids. I had no idea the heartache one little question could bring. They say 1 out of 6 couples will experience some sort of infertility.
There are two types of infertility. Primary and Secondary. Primary is the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse for patients 35 years old or younger, or the inability to concieve in a 6 month period for those in the over 35 age group. Infertility also includes the inability to carry a pregnancy to term.
Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to concieve or carry a child to termafter one or more live births.
So... Why is it so hard to share with someone if there are so many couples struggling with infertility? I think a big reason for me has been people shrugging it off and saying "You just need more time." "You just need to relax." "Well, you could borrow my kids anytime." I have never experienced heartache comparable to what infertility has caused me. Their have been sooooo many emotions that have come and gone with this trial. Now days, I am much more at peace and content, but there are still days that are hard.
So what do I need from those closest to me... Here are a few tips for friends and family members on how to help someone struggling with infertility:
* Sometimes (Not always) I just need someone to listen. No suggestions, no questions, just silence.
* I need others to acknowledge that the hurt I feel is understandable. I know it is hard for someone who has not experienced the heartache of infertility to understand the pain it can cause. But the heart ache is justifyable. Here is some scripture that I think really gets the point across as to the pain inferitlity can cause.
Proverbs 30:15-16
There are three things that will not be satisfied,
Four that will not say, "Enough":
Sheol, and the barren womb,
Earth that is never satisfied with water,
And fire that nevers says, "Enough."
"Sheol is "the grave" or "death" in the Old Testament. It is personified here with other natural forces as entities that can speak. If they could talk, they would never say "I'm satisfied; I need no more." That is, death would never say, "No one else can die because I'm content that the underworld is full." In the same way, after it has rained, the earth eventually soaks up the water. And a fire, unless it runs out of fuel, will not stop simply because it has burned enough. The barren womb is considered to have a feirce parellel to these natural forces."
* If they do comment on my infertility I would prefer them to keep it simple. Less is more. Saying something like "I'm sorry." "I'm here if you want to talk about it." "I hope your parents someday." "How are you doing?" Those comments do plenty of good for me.
* Accept my honest feelings. Sometimes I need more than just to cry. Sometimes I need to vent and be angry. Encouragement is great, but often I need to "let it all out" and feel comfortable doing so.
* It is nice to hear that my grief is justified. I hate for someone to downplay my feelings and say something like "It's not so bad." or "Why do you let it bother you so much?"
* I will let you know all that I am comfortable with. A simple "How are things?" may get a one word response at one time, and a full 30 minute long conversation the next. When you continue to dig and dig for more information there reaches a point where the conversation is more beneficial for you than it is for me. I will share all that I am comfortable with. When I dodge a question, there is probably a good reason for it. So, for my sake, just let it be, and maybe next time I will be more willing to open up.
*** I need prayers. I used to have a hard time asking others to pray for me. But now I am so thankful when someone says "I've been praying for you." WOW, that brings me instant comfort. Prayer is powerful, and the more the better :)
This is not to critique others responses, but instead help them with the understanding of how they could help a loved one struggling with infertility. Maybe if more people understood, than it would be easier to discuss.
I often ask myself two questions:
Is God good? and Will I trust him?
He is so good, and I will trust Him. Although it is painful at times, He does have a plan for me. His plan for me may not include children at all. But the only way for me to be truly at peace is to rest assured in His plan and Him. Although at times I have wondered how I will go on, I am truly thankful for this entire experience. I have grown more close to God than I could have ever imagined.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Radio Session...
Check out this inspiring Link from Revive Our Hearts, with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Great insight on not idolizing your want for a child as well as other idols :) I enjoyed it, and hope you do too.
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10958
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10958
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Handling Debbie Downers...
Through this little adventure we have been on I have learned a very valuable lesson... EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION. While I love to hear their opinions on the matter some of them are judgmental, harsh, and to be honest... just plain ignorant.
I've heard and read others plan of what they would do in my situation so many times... The fact of the matter is, unless they are in the situation themselves they do not know what they would do. Before trying to concieve a baby became an issue in my life I never had an opinion on what I would do if the circumstance would arise. As far as I knew at the time, it wasn't something that I had to think about. The average person doesn't know all of the facts. They do not know the procedures for testing/treatment. They haven't done the research. As good intentioned as their thoughts/advice may be, most people aren't knowledgable enough on the subject to give a well-informed opinion.
It's hard knowing how to handle outside opinions, especially when they are negative. Some solutions for me have been keeping things private to only close friends and family members. Not that I am ashamed at all for others to know, but it seems when people find out that I have been trying to become pregnant for a while they want to tell me a certain sexual position or an eating ritual that will "fix the problem." I know their intentions mean no harm, but it can make for an uncomfortable situation.
I do not in any way want to de-value the importance of others opinions on fertility; I think it is great to hear what those who know you best think on the issue. I think it is especially important if you are a christian, to seek advice from fellow christians about what they think or advice they have.
Bottom line... Don't let the ignorant statements of others get you down. First and foremost go to the lord in prayer and ask for guidance and wisdom; look to scripture before any other literature. Then do your research and examine the facts. Seek advice and help from those who are closest to you and who share your faith. Trust God to lead you in the direction he wants you to go in. Put what pleases him before your own pleasures, and he will hear you.
One of my favorite promises from God:
" 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15
I've heard and read others plan of what they would do in my situation so many times... The fact of the matter is, unless they are in the situation themselves they do not know what they would do. Before trying to concieve a baby became an issue in my life I never had an opinion on what I would do if the circumstance would arise. As far as I knew at the time, it wasn't something that I had to think about. The average person doesn't know all of the facts. They do not know the procedures for testing/treatment. They haven't done the research. As good intentioned as their thoughts/advice may be, most people aren't knowledgable enough on the subject to give a well-informed opinion.
It's hard knowing how to handle outside opinions, especially when they are negative. Some solutions for me have been keeping things private to only close friends and family members. Not that I am ashamed at all for others to know, but it seems when people find out that I have been trying to become pregnant for a while they want to tell me a certain sexual position or an eating ritual that will "fix the problem." I know their intentions mean no harm, but it can make for an uncomfortable situation.
I do not in any way want to de-value the importance of others opinions on fertility; I think it is great to hear what those who know you best think on the issue. I think it is especially important if you are a christian, to seek advice from fellow christians about what they think or advice they have.
Bottom line... Don't let the ignorant statements of others get you down. First and foremost go to the lord in prayer and ask for guidance and wisdom; look to scripture before any other literature. Then do your research and examine the facts. Seek advice and help from those who are closest to you and who share your faith. Trust God to lead you in the direction he wants you to go in. Put what pleases him before your own pleasures, and he will hear you.
One of my favorite promises from God:
" 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Sometimes I lose the battle...
Tonight was nearly a devastation. I sat with 2 pregnant women speaking of there pregnancies. Listened to another friend as she talked about the amazing feeling of having your baby move inside you and what a joy it is.
As I sat I felt myself giving into Envy. Envious thoughts raced through my head. I tried to battle them away but they kept creeping back in. I found myself wanting to leave to avoid these things. I found myself thinking "Why don't I have that?", "What did I do to deserve this?", "It's not fair, everyone thinks I'm amazing with children, so why dont I have my own."
Even as I blog this now I feel my eyes swelling with tears. Sometimes the pain of it all is overwhelming. I want to share in those pregnant women's joy. I don't want to feel heartache when they speak of their unborn child. I want to share their excitement and happiness.
Although tonight was not the most victorious one during this trial, all will be ok. I have a God who is soverign over all, he loves me more than I am capable of knowing. His providence and promises see me through these difficult times. This is a favorite passage of mine.
" 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15
Some days are harder than others, but I can still see God's promises through the dark clouds that have gathered overhead.
Father forgive me for this idoltry, this envy, this mistrust. Lord help me to set my eyes on you. Even when the thing I idolize most is set right in front of me, let me turn from it and run to you. Fill my heart with your love and with joy for other's as they enjoy the blessings you have given to them. Open my heart and draw me nearer to you Lord. I pray these things in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.
This song is amazing btw...
As I sat I felt myself giving into Envy. Envious thoughts raced through my head. I tried to battle them away but they kept creeping back in. I found myself wanting to leave to avoid these things. I found myself thinking "Why don't I have that?", "What did I do to deserve this?", "It's not fair, everyone thinks I'm amazing with children, so why dont I have my own."
Even as I blog this now I feel my eyes swelling with tears. Sometimes the pain of it all is overwhelming. I want to share in those pregnant women's joy. I don't want to feel heartache when they speak of their unborn child. I want to share their excitement and happiness.
Although tonight was not the most victorious one during this trial, all will be ok. I have a God who is soverign over all, he loves me more than I am capable of knowing. His providence and promises see me through these difficult times. This is a favorite passage of mine.
" 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15
Some days are harder than others, but I can still see God's promises through the dark clouds that have gathered overhead.
Father forgive me for this idoltry, this envy, this mistrust. Lord help me to set my eyes on you. Even when the thing I idolize most is set right in front of me, let me turn from it and run to you. Fill my heart with your love and with joy for other's as they enjoy the blessings you have given to them. Open my heart and draw me nearer to you Lord. I pray these things in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.
This song is amazing btw...
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