Chapter 2 overview

The Wedded Unmother: Myths and facts

Chapter 2 was very informative. This chapter touched on common myths and facts about infertility. It touched on the different types of infertility and explained them very well.

I enjoyed the fact that they touched on infertility is not just a woman's problem, BUT my favorite part of the chapter was the "Myth: Infertility is caused by the need to just relax." It is true that chronic stress and fatigue can alter your hormones, but most fertility drugs compensate in cases where hormones fall outside of normal ranges. The very first thing my RE did was bloodwork to examine my hormone levels. So it is hard to believe that this would go unnoticed. "Infertility is more likely to cause stress than to be caused by stress." "80 to 85 percent of the time, doctors find a diagnosable medical cause, for which no amount of relaxation will help."

When I hear that phrase "You just need to relax, and it will happen." It makes my skin crawl. It seems to imply something else that is wrong with ME. Or that I am in some way causing it to happen; that it is my "wrong attitude." that is the problem. I know people say this to be encouraging, but the fact is even if I was relaxed as possible I still may never concieve a child.

I also loved the section that told about the Myth: You can always adopt (if you adopt the pain will go away) Adoption is a wonderful solution for some couples, but it does not take the pain away. The 6 key losses stemming from infertility, compiled by Dr. Pat Johnson, are:

1. loss of control
2. loss of individual genetic community
3. loss of a jointly concieved child
4. loss of the pregnancy and birth experience
5. loss of emotional gratification surrounding pregnancy and birth
6. loss of an oppurtunity to nurture and parent a new generation

Another favorite part of this chapter for me was Myth: Infertility is a curse from God. "The only clear connection in scripture of infertility being  a curse from God, according to the Old Testament Law, was in the case of adultery." It goes on to explain more on the subject and put your heart at ease that infertility is not a direct curse from God.

I am really enjoying this book. It would be especially helpful to someone just entering the beginning "doom and gloom" stages of infertility. However, I have also found it helpful in many ways. I enjoy the constant references to scripture the most.

You can purchase this book from here if you'd like :)

The Infertility Companion has arrived! Chapter 1 overview

And yes... I do feel like it is the exact companion I have been needing! I have zoomed through the 1st 3 chapters in 1 night. I am going to give a brief overview of each chapter as I work through it. I am already feeling so much more educated on my emotional responses to all of this and I cannot wait to see what else I will learn through reading this. It has already helped so much :)

Chapter 1 Where We've Been: Your Companions in the Ditch 

Chapter one gives a short bio on the Authors of this book. It establishes credibility for both authors, "Sandra" (theinfertility patient) and "Dr. Bill" (the Christian RE).

Some things that stood out to me were:

"I had been told that infertility patients are second only to cancer patients in terms of what they will endure for a cure, and I found them to have a pretty high level of sophistication."
I can see this being true. All the fertility meds, surgeries, and monthly devastation after devastation, it is a hard road for anyone to go down, and yet most continue down it regardless.

"...grief is a friend. I've learned to trust it to take me to the other side of emotional health."
This really stood out to me because I have never cried and laughed at the same time until all of this started. I have always shyed away from becoming to emotionally charged around other people; however, upon the topic of infertility, I cannot control my outburst AT ALL. And I seem to feel somewhat better after them. So many times I have bawled my eyes out and gasped for air while Mr. R is holding me, just to look up at him with a smile a few minutes later and say... "I feel better now."

"The Weaver is making something beautiful of you're life too. It doesnt seem to make since now, and parts of it will never make since on this side of eternity. You're in the midst of knots and tangles, looking at the incomplete picture from the back side. And there are no magic words to make the pain go away. But while you're there, being stretched on the Weaver's loom, know that you are not alone." I definitely shed some tears after reading this one, lol. I here encouragement of God's providence over and over again, and at times I just want to say "I know, I know...", But for some reason this really resignated with me. This one is definitely getting a spot on my bathroom mirror :)

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19
This book references scripture constantly. I love that about it.

And to explain the idea of the "companion in the ditch." There is a little story about a farmer who is driving along and sees that his neighbor has accidentally driven a tractor into a ditch. The neighbor is hopelessly stuck. The farmer does not have a tow chain or a rope, so he does all that he can do - he gets out of his car, climbs into the cab of the tractor, and sits with his friend in the ditch." This book strives to provide some comfort and companionship in the ditch that is infertility.

There were many other noteworthy writings in Chapter one. I would have to copy the entire chapter to make sure all good information was passed along (and I'm pretty sure that is illegal, or I would do it). Stay tuned for an overview of Chapter 2: The Wedded Unmother, Myths and Facts.

You can purchase this book from here if you would like to have a copy for yourself.

Book: The Infertility Companion

I just ordered this book! The reviews sound great and I cannot wait until it comes in to get a better understanding of all this hospital talk, lol.

You can buy it here if you'd like. I'll post a review later on :)