What I Want

When I express enthusiasm about adopting/fostering several people say things like "Well I wouldn't want to have to adopt." "Well that would be to hard to give back a baby after caring for it." "I would want to experience pregnancy." ... And I have to admit, I also felt all of these things at one point.

BUT thankfully, this experience has taught me that nothing is about what I wanted. What I wanted was serving me alone, what I wanted was thinking of myself and my husband alone. Now I am filled with a passion for what God wants and serving Christ alone :)

I do want to start giving back to the orphan, fatherless, poor because it is spelled out in scripture that we should do so. God does not say it is optional... He demands it.

Even if R and I do not adopt I still want to give to this ministry in other ways. There are so many ways to give that do not have to include money:

• Pray for them.
• Give your time. Volunteer.
• Mentor a child in need.
• Give financially

I am so glad to have a heart for the children who are without parents. They are so innocent, so undeserving of the bad hand they have been dealt.


So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. Exodus 22:22

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

The Infertility Treatment vs. Adoption Wars!?! (borrowed)

Love this post from that I borrowed from this BLOG! It is on the money :)

"I’m as competitive as the next person. Whether I’m playing dominoes, tennis or Trivial Pursuit, I like to win. I don’t often, but I like to. Competition can be a force for good: spurring us, challenging us, pushing us. But competition does NOT belong in family building. It’s one thing if those ignorant of the pain of infertility question our choices, but those within our infertility/adoption community need to support each other. From where I sit with one foot in the infertility world and one foot in the adoption world, I see way too much competition, and it drives me nuts.
Infertile and adopting couples get it from all sides. I probably hear it more because my work and radio show cover the waterfront of all alternative methods of family building, but you don’t have to scratch the surface of many internet forums or support group meetings to hear it for yourself. It may be subtle, but it’s there all the same. People who adopt internationally hear “Why didn’t you adopt children here in the US?” People who adopt infants domestically hear “Why didn’t you adopt from foster care.” People going through IVF, especially after the first failed round, hear “Why don’t you just adopt.” People moving to adoption after infertility hear “Why are you quitting, I know of someone who got pregnant on the _______(third, fifth, tenth) IVF cycle.” And heaven help the folks who choose to adopt without being infertile. They are almost past commenting, but they still hear plenty of “don’t you want children of your own?”
Competition assumes that there is something to win—that one way is better. Oh, if only infertility and adoption were so clear. What’s right for me may not be, and probably isn’t, right for you. And what’s right for you right now, may very likely change in the future. Although we share the pain of wanting children, everyone’s journey is unique.
Many of these comments come from folks who have never needed an alternative way to form their families. They ditch the condoms, buy a bottle of wine, and nine months later welcome a child into their family. For these people, the issue isn’t competition, just ignorance and insensitivity. Deal with them as you see fit, preferably without physical violence.
I want to address the green-eyed monster’s presence within our community. The dirty laundry we wouldn’t necessarily want to share with the rest of the world. People in infertility treatment may question how you can give up the biological connection. People who adopt may question why someone would continue with the uncertainty and expense of infertility treatments. People who adopt domestically may question why someone would adopt from abroad when there are kids right here at home that need families. People using their own eggs for IVF may question how someone could use donor eggs without exhausting all other options first. People who adopt children already born may question why someone would adopt an embryo.
I don’t have a problem with real, honest to goodness questions. I’m all for increased dialog and understanding. But the intent of a real question is to receive information. Many of these so-called questions are veiled, or not so veiled, attempts to judge the other person’s decision. These questions come with an inherent sense of the superiority of one method of family building.
Let’s face it; most of us opt for the easiest way to have kids. For some, there is no easy way, but they choose the next step that feels most comfortable. Ease and comfort are individual and may change with time. We have no control over what other’s outside of the sisterhood and brotherhood of alternative family building say, but we can control what we say. Let’s make a pact to celebrate all forms of family creation and drop the sense, at least outwardly, that one way is the best way. If we end up with the family we want, then we have won."

• I have actually heard the "why don't y'all just adopt?" question... My thought = Why don't you just give me 20-40k bucks? lol
• I have heard "Don't you want to have children of your own?" My thought = Our children, no matter what path is chosen for us, will be our own.
• I have heard "Why are y'all giving up? I haven't given up on y'all" My thought = either way we go, treatment or adoption, we will arrive at the same destination. Neither is giving up. Both are an extraordinary blessing from God... One is not Better than the other in my mind just different ways of getting to the same place... Parenthood :)

Encouraging Article

Stole this from this blog and I love it!!! Can't wait to see which way we will travel... By air or by sea... Both will be rewarding in their own way :)

From a letter written to Dear Abby:
(The author of this letter is the mother of 2 adopted children)

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you, you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait... and wait... and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

It is amazing to know that not everyone arrives at their destination the same way :)

The "Adoption Seed"

At church we have been going through the miracle of adoption. Not from the world's viewpoint but from a Godly viewpoint.

As Christians we have all been adopted into God's covenant family. It is only by the blood of Christ that we are able to enter into this covenant and cry out "Father". God is the Father over all of us. He loves us regardless of our last name, our families reputation, our past sins, etc. No one Christian comes before the other and that simplicity is what it is all about: BELIEVE, ask for forgiveness, repent, and obey. That's the formula :) And that is why so many people struggle with Christianity because it's hard to understand how it can be so easy... so simple. But because of Jesus Christ dying on the cross it is that easy! That was his message :)

I'm starting to see adoption not as a possible solution, but as a blessing. Just look at the blessing we have been given by our true and holy Father to come into his family. What a blessing it would be to offer that same love to another person.

Now, now do not be alarmed!... Although contrary to my normally impulsive nature, I am not going to run out and contact an adoption agency tomorrow, lol. First off it is not an easy process and secondly it is not a cheap process. I don't know if this new view will help Mr. R and I or not; I may just be able to offer some advice to others who are struggling in a similar situation. We still have some treatment options that we are willing to explore, BUT our limitations on which infertility treatments we are willing to undergo may someday cause us to reevaluate our position on adoption. And I am actually excited about the possibility that we could one day be adoptive parents! I know that if God does lead us in the direction of adoption it in no way will be an easy road, but if it is what He wants for us He will make a way :)

Adoption will in no way take away pain caused by infertility and it should not be pursued as a "second option." So having said that I am now waiting like a spectator; excited to see the plan God has in store for us. To concieve, to adopt, or something else... I truly cannot wait for it to unfold!

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him."
1 Samuel 1:27

 

Dreams of Parenting :)

This title is to be taken literally, lol. Last night I had the craziest, most real-feeling dream about Mr. R and I becoming parents... We adopted a boy and his name was Brae... And that is how it was spelled. I can remember all the tiny details, name spelling, hair color, eye color, etc; it is a bit eerie.

We haven't discussed adoption in detail because we feel God is leading us down another path as of now, but... it was refreshing to dream about us as parents :) Gave me a nice picture of what we are hoping our future will be.

Here is a verse I stumbled across this week and I LOVE it...

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

It's Not For Everybody

Well as you could imagine, like anyone who is having trouble concieving a child, adopting has ran through my mind a time or two. I am still not sure if adoption is in the plans for us; although, in the beginning the thought of adoption frightened me a bit.

The more I have learned about the love of God and showing others that same love the more those fears have faded. I used to hear other mothers say "you could never love anyone elses child like you love your own(biological), Nothing compares to having your own(biological) child." Those comments scared me at first.


After hearing those comments... You may be wondering why I would even be considering adopting. Well, contrary to what you may be thinking, it is not because we may have trouble having our own biological children. Yes, that did plant the thought and questions in my mind; however, I have come to grips with the reality that I may have no children at all. I know what a blessing my husband is, and how much we love each other and I can be joyful and content for the rest of my life with him. Instead, I think opening your home and heart to a child in need of a loving home and loving parents is truly an amazing example of God's love.

I also think that not everyone is meant to adopt. I think some of those comments about being unable to love someone elses child as your own are just specific to those individuals. They are just opinions from their own experiences. I believe some are more capable of adopting than others. The reality is IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE. So not everyone will understand.

I am still very unclear as to if I am one of those people that have that heart for adopting. But I do know that I have a deep desire to parent. God has given me this desire. Although I am not sure the plan God has for me, I trust that our family will grow for his glory.

"You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more."

Psalms 10:14,17-18