Round 2!

IUI #2

Oct. 9-13 Clomid
Oct. 18 U/S and HCG shot
Oct. 20 IUI
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Oct. 16

To sum up how I'm feeling right now I will use this quote from a fellow IF blogger:

"...I have gotten really good at letting God rewrite our plans - to fall in line with his. I'm a mixed bag of emotions as we head down this road again. My tank is running about 90/10. Ninety percent certain of God's faithful hand and ten percent shaken at the prospect of what that means."

I feel like I am continuously asking God... "What do you want me to learn from this?" I feel like he is saying TRUST.

“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.” Psalm 20:7

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Oct 18

U/S showed two nice follicles on left side :)


Oct. 20

Today was the iui day :) In that exam room all I could do was look at my amazing husband, and thank God for the blessing He has given me in Mr. R. He is truly an amazing, selfless man, and I am constantly blown away by how devoted he is to me and our marriage. Thanks shug for all that u have done, are doing, and will do. I am truly blessed to have u :)

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Oct 28

Progesterone levels at 45 :)

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Nov 3 - Negative test...

Nov 4 - And not one tear yet!!! Yes I am shocked at my lack of an emotional breakdown... But it feels so great not to crumble with defeat :) All of the blessings that God has given to me have been becoming so clear lately. Yes yes... I do want to be a mother, but right now I can honestly say I do not want it "more than anything else". I want to enjoy the life God has so graciously given to me. So for now I am eagerly pursuing the path he has laid out for me. For now treatments/tests are officially paused. I am not at all regretful for pursuing treatment and yes we will still consider treatment in our future. I am very thankful that we have started down this road because we have learned so much about ourselves, and I have learned a TON about my body. Life is good, but God is so much BETTER!

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

Easy to Please

Spent last night riding around back roads with my husband... I realize that may sound weird, however it is something we have done since we first started dating and I think it is crazy romantic... it was a blast!

I woke up today thinking I hope I am always that easy to please. Don't get me wrong I do occasionally want the dinner reservation with a black dress scene; however, riding around our small town without a care in the world makes it to the top of my list.

"What's the point???" you may be wondering... Well, the point is don't become so consumed with your want for a child that you forget about your husband. Always try to make time for your spouse while you're ttc. Don't forget to have sex just for the fun of it, lol. While women feel the loss of not having yet concieved a child, men often feel the loss of a happy and functioning partner. Ahhhhhhh... Love is great :)

A Blah Kind of Day

Feeling kind of blah today... Not sure if it is because of the lack of coffee (Im trying to cut back on caffine) or the fact that I have visited baby stores for 2 days in a row... I think I'll cut back on doing that even though it is with my sister and much loved niece.

I saw the most precious baby hat that said "My Daddy Drives a John Deere." And immediately felt that longing feeling, then despair, then guilt... longing for a baby to put in that hat, despair that it may never happen, and then guilt that my husband may not ever have the chance to be a "Daddy (who) Drives a John Deere"... They didn't last long though. Those feelings used to cripple me; Now they just sting a little.

Seems like I go back to that simple childhood prayer "God is great, God is good." It is so simple, but still so true. I'm trusting in the Holy Spirit to lead me on in the correct way.

Love this:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24

Going to take my own advice and turn to prayer and scripture to get me out of this funk.

I Need Thee

I need Thee every hour,

Most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine,
Can peace afford.
I need Thee, O I need Thee,
Every hour I need Thee!
O bless me now, Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour,
Stay Thou near by;
Temptations lose their power,
When Thou art nigh.
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee!
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour,
In joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide,
Or life is vain.
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee!
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.



I can only find peace in him alone. Not in my husband being within arm's reach, not in a precious newborn baby, Just in Christ alone.