How has this trial changed me?

It is amazing how infertility has had a positive affect on my life. As I share with other people it is hard to express my mixed emotions about our experiences. However, if it were not for this experience I would still be in the dark on so many truths I have recently learned.

It is so easy to spout out "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done." But do we really mean that every time? I know now that I did not mean that at all times. If the Lord's will was to take my husband from me would I really mean "Thy will be done." Or if he willed us into financial hardships, would I truly mean "Thy will be done." Now I know what that prayer means on an entirely new level. It means surrendering myself to God; submitting to Him alone. It means dying to myself everyday in order to live out the life He has called me to live.

The truth is if I had not had this trial in my life I may have never known what it means to trust in Christ. I pray daily that God will enrich my relationship with Him; bring me closer to Him. Although this storm may have not been what I would have picked to fufill that prayer, God knew that this would bring me into a closer relationship with him. In a way, my infertility struggle has been an answer to my prayers.

Count it all joy, my brothers,^[a] when you meet trials^(B) of various kinds, ³for you know that^(C) the testing of your faith^(D) produces steadfastness. ⁴And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be^(E) perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
 ^5(F) If any of you lacks wisdom,^(G) let him ask God,^(H) who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶But^(I) let him ask in faith,^(J) with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like^(K) a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ^8(L) he is a double-minded man,^(M) unstable in all his ways.
James 1:2-8