The Infertility Treatment vs. Adoption Wars!?! (borrowed)

Love this post from that I borrowed from this BLOG! It is on the money :)

"I’m as competitive as the next person. Whether I’m playing dominoes, tennis or Trivial Pursuit, I like to win. I don’t often, but I like to. Competition can be a force for good: spurring us, challenging us, pushing us. But competition does NOT belong in family building. It’s one thing if those ignorant of the pain of infertility question our choices, but those within our infertility/adoption community need to support each other. From where I sit with one foot in the infertility world and one foot in the adoption world, I see way too much competition, and it drives me nuts.
Infertile and adopting couples get it from all sides. I probably hear it more because my work and radio show cover the waterfront of all alternative methods of family building, but you don’t have to scratch the surface of many internet forums or support group meetings to hear it for yourself. It may be subtle, but it’s there all the same. People who adopt internationally hear “Why didn’t you adopt children here in the US?” People who adopt infants domestically hear “Why didn’t you adopt from foster care.” People going through IVF, especially after the first failed round, hear “Why don’t you just adopt.” People moving to adoption after infertility hear “Why are you quitting, I know of someone who got pregnant on the _______(third, fifth, tenth) IVF cycle.” And heaven help the folks who choose to adopt without being infertile. They are almost past commenting, but they still hear plenty of “don’t you want children of your own?”
Competition assumes that there is something to win—that one way is better. Oh, if only infertility and adoption were so clear. What’s right for me may not be, and probably isn’t, right for you. And what’s right for you right now, may very likely change in the future. Although we share the pain of wanting children, everyone’s journey is unique.
Many of these comments come from folks who have never needed an alternative way to form their families. They ditch the condoms, buy a bottle of wine, and nine months later welcome a child into their family. For these people, the issue isn’t competition, just ignorance and insensitivity. Deal with them as you see fit, preferably without physical violence.
I want to address the green-eyed monster’s presence within our community. The dirty laundry we wouldn’t necessarily want to share with the rest of the world. People in infertility treatment may question how you can give up the biological connection. People who adopt may question why someone would continue with the uncertainty and expense of infertility treatments. People who adopt domestically may question why someone would adopt from abroad when there are kids right here at home that need families. People using their own eggs for IVF may question how someone could use donor eggs without exhausting all other options first. People who adopt children already born may question why someone would adopt an embryo.
I don’t have a problem with real, honest to goodness questions. I’m all for increased dialog and understanding. But the intent of a real question is to receive information. Many of these so-called questions are veiled, or not so veiled, attempts to judge the other person’s decision. These questions come with an inherent sense of the superiority of one method of family building.
Let’s face it; most of us opt for the easiest way to have kids. For some, there is no easy way, but they choose the next step that feels most comfortable. Ease and comfort are individual and may change with time. We have no control over what other’s outside of the sisterhood and brotherhood of alternative family building say, but we can control what we say. Let’s make a pact to celebrate all forms of family creation and drop the sense, at least outwardly, that one way is the best way. If we end up with the family we want, then we have won."

• I have actually heard the "why don't y'all just adopt?" question... My thought = Why don't you just give me 20-40k bucks? lol
• I have heard "Don't you want to have children of your own?" My thought = Our children, no matter what path is chosen for us, will be our own.
• I have heard "Why are y'all giving up? I haven't given up on y'all" My thought = either way we go, treatment or adoption, we will arrive at the same destination. Neither is giving up. Both are an extraordinary blessing from God... One is not Better than the other in my mind just different ways of getting to the same place... Parenthood :)

After Your Visit To The Infertility Doctor

So once you've gone to the doctor, then what??? Here are some things I think you should think about after your appointment.

1. Don't hesitate to pick up the phone and call the nurse/doctor to ask them questions. That is what they are there for :) A good clinic will be glad to walk you through any hesitations that you might have without pressuring you.
2. Although it may prove difficult, try to avoid reading about every little infertility test/treatment plan online. So much information available through the internet is inaccurate; your doctor is the best source of information for you.
3. Talk to your Spouse about what the appointment was like for him/her. Discuss any reservations or concerns.
4. Do not act impulsively. In an emotionally charged situation sometimes we do not think before we act. Take your time and think about the next step your doctor has suggested. Does the next step entail any risk or side effects?
5. Discuss your limits on what you are willing to undergo. Not only ethically but financially. Now these limits do not have to be set in stone they may change with time, but you might just make a list such as: iui - yes, ivf - need more research/questions answered, surrogate - no, embryo adoption - no. Once you do more research you may change your opinion on each of these procedures, but it's good to have an idea before starting down this road.

And of course... PRAY and seek to do things that are pleasing to God :)  

And that's my 2 cents for whatever it's worth!

Future Options...

So... I have previously stated that we are putting IF test/treatments on a pause, and I am still sticking by that for now. But in case anyone reading this is wondering what the next step would be in terms of any ARTs (assisted reproductive technology)/treatments. Here it is:

• At first (after initial testing) the doctor believed we would be great cadidates for the iui. Well 2 iui's later and still no pregnancy :)
• Dr. W says he typically doesn't change the course of treatment for patients in our situation until 3 iui's have failed...
• If #3 iui fails, it in no way means that we will never be parents, but...
• If we were to pursue a 3rd iui (which some day we may do) and if it failed we would need to reevaluate our treatment path.
• I'm not sure what his next suggestion would be and I refuse to jump that far ahead of everything...

So for now... that is all we know about that :)

The "Adoption Seed"

At church we have been going through the miracle of adoption. Not from the world's viewpoint but from a Godly viewpoint.

As Christians we have all been adopted into God's covenant family. It is only by the blood of Christ that we are able to enter into this covenant and cry out "Father". God is the Father over all of us. He loves us regardless of our last name, our families reputation, our past sins, etc. No one Christian comes before the other and that simplicity is what it is all about: BELIEVE, ask for forgiveness, repent, and obey. That's the formula :) And that is why so many people struggle with Christianity because it's hard to understand how it can be so easy... so simple. But because of Jesus Christ dying on the cross it is that easy! That was his message :)

I'm starting to see adoption not as a possible solution, but as a blessing. Just look at the blessing we have been given by our true and holy Father to come into his family. What a blessing it would be to offer that same love to another person.

Now, now do not be alarmed!... Although contrary to my normally impulsive nature, I am not going to run out and contact an adoption agency tomorrow, lol. First off it is not an easy process and secondly it is not a cheap process. I don't know if this new view will help Mr. R and I or not; I may just be able to offer some advice to others who are struggling in a similar situation. We still have some treatment options that we are willing to explore, BUT our limitations on which infertility treatments we are willing to undergo may someday cause us to reevaluate our position on adoption. And I am actually excited about the possibility that we could one day be adoptive parents! I know that if God does lead us in the direction of adoption it in no way will be an easy road, but if it is what He wants for us He will make a way :)

Adoption will in no way take away pain caused by infertility and it should not be pursued as a "second option." So having said that I am now waiting like a spectator; excited to see the plan God has in store for us. To concieve, to adopt, or something else... I truly cannot wait for it to unfold!

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him."
1 Samuel 1:27

 

Things To Do Before Visiting The Infertility Doctor

I wish I would have had a "to do" list before we made our intial doctors appointment with Dr. W, our RE. So in case someone else is wondering what to do before visiting here is my 2 cents on it :)

1. PRAY! Pray for guidance and wisdom during this journey. This is absolutely the most important part of the process to me.

2. Only you know when to pick up the phone and schedule the appointment. Keep in mind you are not considered "infertile" until you have tried to concieve for a year without success, or until you have tried to concieve for 6 months without success if you are over 35 years of age. Once you have reached one of those points YOU will know when the time is right for YOU.

3. Remember you are not alone in making this decision. Consult your spouse and explore what his or her feelings are about scheduling an appointment. Talk about reservations that you may have about the appointment.

4. Get in touch with your insurance about coverage that they offer for infertility testing. Most insurances offer little to no coverage for infertility testing and treatments, and unfortunately the bills can quickly get overwhelming. If you have a budget, discuss exactly what you will budget before beginning the infertility journey.

5. Decide what you are looking for in an RE. We wanted a fairly conservative RE with the least invasive amount of testing/treatment as possible.

5. If possible obtain references for doctors. If a friend or family member pursued IF tests/treatments ask them about their doctor and if they would use them again.

6. Talk to someone who shares your faith for an extra perspective on your situation. Ask your pastor if they know anyone who has been in a similar situation that you could speak with.

And there are my thoughts on that! :) Of course you can add some things or take some things away, but I believe making sure to do the above things can save you some time and some headaches.

KEEP GOD'S GLORY ON THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND ALL OF THE TIME. When in doubt pray, pray, and pray some more.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Round 2!

IUI #2

Oct. 9-13 Clomid
Oct. 18 U/S and HCG shot
Oct. 20 IUI
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Oct. 16

To sum up how I'm feeling right now I will use this quote from a fellow IF blogger:

"...I have gotten really good at letting God rewrite our plans - to fall in line with his. I'm a mixed bag of emotions as we head down this road again. My tank is running about 90/10. Ninety percent certain of God's faithful hand and ten percent shaken at the prospect of what that means."

I feel like I am continuously asking God... "What do you want me to learn from this?" I feel like he is saying TRUST.

“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.” Psalm 20:7

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Oct 18

U/S showed two nice follicles on left side :)


Oct. 20

Today was the iui day :) In that exam room all I could do was look at my amazing husband, and thank God for the blessing He has given me in Mr. R. He is truly an amazing, selfless man, and I am constantly blown away by how devoted he is to me and our marriage. Thanks shug for all that u have done, are doing, and will do. I am truly blessed to have u :)

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Oct 28

Progesterone levels at 45 :)

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Nov 3 - Negative test...

Nov 4 - And not one tear yet!!! Yes I am shocked at my lack of an emotional breakdown... But it feels so great not to crumble with defeat :) All of the blessings that God has given to me have been becoming so clear lately. Yes yes... I do want to be a mother, but right now I can honestly say I do not want it "more than anything else". I want to enjoy the life God has so graciously given to me. So for now I am eagerly pursuing the path he has laid out for me. For now treatments/tests are officially paused. I am not at all regretful for pursuing treatment and yes we will still consider treatment in our future. I am very thankful that we have started down this road because we have learned so much about ourselves, and I have learned a TON about my body. Life is good, but God is so much BETTER!

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

In a nut shell

I've decided rather than several tiny posts documenting my journey with the RE, I will group them into one big post :)

September 8th: Today we went to see Dr. W for an ultrasound, and talk about some meds. The u/s was normal; no abnormalities, cysts, etc. Thank the Lord! And we have decided to try Clomid with an IUI...

Clomid will help me ovulate and cause my ovaries to produce more eggs; increasing potential targets for Mr. R's sperm... Clomid is said to increase your chances for twins by 6%-10%, and for triplets or more by 1%. However, we will be doing another u/s before insemination to see how many follicles have formed to make sure the Clomid hasn't had any crazy effects on me.
Side effects of Clomid can basically magnify any PMS symptoms you usually have... Moodiness, bloating, breast tenderness, hot flashes, etc. There are no increased risked for the egg as far as abnormalities or defects :)

The IUI, intrauterine insemination, is basically, "Making a baby without the fun part" as Dr. E so eloquently says, lol. They will take my hubby's sperm and place them directly into my uterus in hopes to increase the number of sperm that will reach my fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg.You can find more information about IUIs by clicking here.
This does not guarantee that we will get pregnant, it just makes the timing right and circumstances optimal. The sperm still has to seek out the egg from the uterus and make it to the egg on it's own. And my body must do all of it's work correctly as well. The IUI just gives us an advantage. 

So this is what my calender is looking like...

Day 5-9 (of my cycle) take Clomid
Day 14 u/s to examine follicle growth and hCG injection (pending all is ok with u/s)
Day 16 IUI (sept. 22)

Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst... Prayer, prayer, prayer... Feeling good about it all though :)

It is, and always will be, in God's hands. And we are both very thankful for that!


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Sept 14

Well Day 4 of Clomid... 1 more to go. And Im feeling good. So far there have been no crazy side effects or nausea...

I am 100% content and happy with the decision we made to proceed with an IUI. We have discussed what our limits are, in terms of treatment, and where our stopping point would be. After much prayer and discussion it is nice to finally have a clear line. I believe that it is extremely important for every couple battling infertility to discuss their limits before seeking testing and treatment. Anyone is capable of letting their emotions affect their decision making. And when dealing with an emotional rollercoaster such as infertility, it is best to decide your limits while you have a clear mind.

We are praying that God's glory will continue to be first in our hearts above anything else. And we are praying for His guidance and His wisdom. It is amazing to feel the holy spirit leading us in such a clear direction :)

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Sept 19
So... It's Monday. In 1 day I will go get my HcG shot to induce ovulation. Yesterday Mr. R said "Only 2 more days."  And I had no idea what he was talking about. A year ago I would've had a countdown on the bathroom mirror, lol. God has given me so much peace and freedom from worry compared to where I was last year. I am so thankful for his provision :)

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Sept 20

So... This a.m. Mr. R and I went down to Dr. W's for the HcG shot (to induce ovulation). They did an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries were developing properly and found that I have two "great-looking" follicles on my Right side :) and now we have a 6% chance of twins :-D My estrogen levels needed to be at least 300 (150 for ea follicle) and they were over 800 so that's great too!

I felt the urge to let out a big "WOOHOO!" However my practical side sometimes gets in the way of that, lol. I think it is a self-protection mechanism... I dont want to celebrate to much for fear of being let down. BUT, I need to let that fear go. God is great and he is the overseer of life and abudance; he is capable of any and all things. I should not doubt his power and provision in my life. So "Yiippee! two follicles is great. Thank you God!"

In two days we will go back to Dr. W for the IUI. We talked more about the ethical side of IUIs on the way home. More of the "Is this decision pleasing to God?" talk. And we discussed the man in the flood story.

"There once was a man trapped on his house in a flood. Soon the waters over took him and he began to wade and prayed for God to intervene and rescue him. A rescue helicopter flew by and tried to save him, but he refused them and said 'My God is coming to save me.' A little while later a rescue boat came by and he responded the same way. The man eventually drowned. When he got to Heaven he asked God 'Father, I cried out to you for help. Why didn't you save me?' God responded with 'Who do you think sent the helicopter and boat!'"

This is not to say that all treatments of infertility are right within God's eyes. But the research we have done has revealed to us that God intended for his covenant family to grow. Sin of this world has made conception more difficult for some. While we would never be ok doing certain infertility treatments, we would accept some help to become pregnant. We would supplement our bodies with vitamins if they were lacking, we would remove a tumor even if it were benign, we would do an IUI if it bettered our chances of fulfulling our "God-given calling to be bearers and nurturers". We have prayed and prayed for help, and this IUI may just be that "helicopter or boat" from the other story :)

BUT, if it is not. May Glory be to God all the same :) We are aware there is no way of knowing exactly what His plan is. And although I am praying that His plan is for us to conceive a child, His plan may not be for us to concieve right now. And that is ok because He has promised us that He does indeed have a plan for us :)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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Sept. 22

Today was the day! IUI day that is :) I feel great, some minor cramping. Going to take it easy for the next couple of weeks. Praying that we are able to concieve a child if it is God's will. God is faithful and will see us through.

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Sept. 26

So It's been 5 days since our IUI and for the first 4 days I experienced cramping; which has subdued today. Trying to take it easy... No jogging, jumpjacks, etc. LOL. Not sure if "taking it easy" matters or not. I'm trying not to dwell on the matter too much. Trying to remember that I should dwell on things that are Christ centered and remembering that He has taken on the burden of my worry. Go back in 2 days too measure progesterone levels to make sure I ovulated. So that is all for today :) Praying

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

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Oct. 1

So 2 days ago I went to have my Progesterone levels checked. They needed to be over 6 to indicate that I had ovulated this cycle... and they were at 36 :-D Yay!

So now... We wait... and wait... and wait... We have become experts at waiting over the past 2 years so this should be no sweat, Right? I would love to look into a crystal ball and know the yes or no to our question. BUT God does not work that way. We are definitely learning patience and that He is in control; so crystal ball or no crystal ball... it is in God's hands and for that reason I am truly not content :-)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34


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Oct. 6

Well Aunt Flow showed up last night... I know it will be ok, I know God has a plan beyond my comprehension... I know. But that doesn't take away the pain I am feeling right know. Sad... yep. Tears... yep. Just Heartache right now...

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Oct. 9

Feeling better :) Today I tried to imagine the worst possible thing that could happen in this situation. And that would be that Mr. R and I never become parents. Thinking about that and knowing that it would not be the end of our world is comforting. We do not need to be parents for our lives to be complete. Our lives are complete in Christ and with each other :)

Of course I still want to be a mom someday, I'm not sure if that desire will ever change; But my world will not fall apart if it doesn't happen.

Some Clarity :)

Mr. R and I have discussed what our limits are, in terms of treatment, and where our stopping point would be. After much prayer and discussion it is nice to finally have a clear line. I believe that it is extremely important for every couple battling infertility (or ttc problems) to discuss their limits before seeking testing and treatment. Anyone is capable of letting their emotions affect their decision making. And when dealing with an emotional rollercoaster such as infertility, it is best to decide your limits while you have a clear mind.

We are praying that God's glory will continue to be first in our hearts above anything else. And we are praying for His guidance and His wisdom. It is amazing to feel the holy spirit leading us in such a clear direction :)

It's Starting!

So... It's been a while since I posted; Sorry about that. I've been very busy making time to see my hubby and with some doctors appointments... YES, you read correctly I said doctors appointments!

The hubby and I decided to do some test to see if we could find a cause for not getting pregnant yet. Out of respect for each other, Mr. R and I have decided not to share our test results (good or bad) on this blog.

Dr. W, what I'll call my infertility doctor as of now, was suprisingly laid back and not at all what I was expecting. I was very pleasantly suprised by his approach and the time he took to speak with me. I was terrified he would be a IVF quintuplet making scientist LOL... which needless to say is the opposite of what I am looking for. He let me know immediately that he likes to keep things as simple as possible and IVF was almost a last resort to him. He preferred less invasive treatments when possible, which was a relief to hear!

Interestingly enough... My Hubby was home just a day before my appointment to have a semen analysis ran; that alone is a miracle in itself with his work schedule. On my appointment day my cycle was perfectly lined out to begin the basic testing that day... Everything is working out so perfectly it is almost creepy. I do believe God is at work in this area of our lives (as well as all other areas).

ALSO! Our insurance has covered a great deal of the cost of the tests we had to have ran; which is unbelievable considering most insurance companies do not cover infertility testing. We were expecting to have to pay for everything going into this. Which is another reason we have waited so long before actually doing anything. God provides outlets continuously for us! It is truly by his Grace alone we are able to continue in our pursuit to become parents.

So, in case you're wondering what we are doing now here it goes... I have to call the office on the first day of my next cycle (in a couple of weeks) and start some fertility medication. We are considering having an IUI done when My Hubby gets back home from working in September. For those wondering, an IUI is where Dr. W will take the Hubby's sperm and place it a little closer to my egg at the exact time I am ovulating. The sperm and egg are still doing all the work in my body; They just help the sperm with the journey to the egg at the perfect time... That's the best I can describe it :) However, we haven't officially decided on this yet. Still have many questions to ask, many prayers to be said, and a lot of conversation to be had.

I must say my husband has been amazing through all of this!!! He blows my mind daily with his support and advice. He is such a comfort to me, and I can't imagine going through any of this without him. He has lifted me up from a failed-fetal-position time and time again. He is so sensitive to my feelings, as crazy and ever-changing as they may be. He has been so level headed and comforting during this entire experience; I cannot say enough good things about him.

There is no clear picture in scripture as of what to do in our situation. I have been reading many different opinions and articles on the subject; none are the same, and all of them seem to contradict each other. I am starting to see that it is a matter of the heart, and not as black and white as I would like it to be.

I am trying to keep a Christ centered mind set during all of this. It is hard amongst all of the excitement and running around to keep his pleasure first in my mind. I know all things are in his hands, and that is a huge comfort and security to me. I'm praying for his guidance and for wisdom while we make all of these decisions. I am so humbled by all God has done and is still doing for us. It is amazing to witness it all.

That is all for now. This blog has been amazing for me to vent, and get everything out there. I hope it will help others who may be dealing with a similar situation :)

"So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."
2 Corinthians 5:9