Discerning God's Will

This article came from the True Woman Blog. I love this blog and it is a great one to visit. This has already helped me a few times today :) Hope it helps you too!



How do you know if you should take that vacation? Serve in that position? Buy that outfit? Marry that man? Homeschool your child? Move to another country? Take that job?

This might help. A while ago, I attended a small group where the leader, Roger Cabe, introduced an acronym I'll always remember: ESPPP. (Don’t worry—it's not some whacked out new theory!) Each letter represents a specific key to unlocking the will of God. These five keys shouldn’t be isolated, but used as a unit, like fingers on a hand. I hope you’ll find ESPPP as practical and helpful as I have. First:

Empty Yourself. Of all the keys, this is by far the hardest, and usually the most overlooked. About eighty-five to ninety percent of your time will be spent on this alone. In order to  figure out God's best, we need to have no will of our own and be willing to be content in any situation or decision the Lord reveals. Whether we stay or go, save or give, say yes or no, our greatest concern is doing things God’s way.

“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me’” (Matt. 16:24).

Scripture. In order to understand God’s will, we've got to be reading and studying the Bible regularly, because the primary way God speaks to us is through His Word. As Nancy Leigh DeMoss often says, “When God’s Word speaks, God speaks.” Don’t wait until a crisis to begin reading God’s Word; start now! Then ask yourself, what has God been showing me along the way?

“Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors” (Ps. 119: 24).

Prayer. Talk to God often. Give your decision to Him over and over. Wait . . . and listen.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-7).

Providential Circumstances. God uses everyday situations to point us toward His direction. Look for God in your daily routine. Are there circumstances that would prevent or point you to a specific decision?

“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD” (Prov. 16:33).

Peace. The Bible says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” Does God’s peace flood your life as a result of your decision? Where the will of God is, the peace of God will follow.
      “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7).

While these five keys don’t make up an exhaustive list for discovering the will of God, they’re easy to remember and will hopefully help you as you try to stay connected to Him and live life His way. 

A Blah Kind of Day

Feeling kind of blah today... Not sure if it is because of the lack of coffee (Im trying to cut back on caffine) or the fact that I have visited baby stores for 2 days in a row... I think I'll cut back on doing that even though it is with my sister and much loved niece.

I saw the most precious baby hat that said "My Daddy Drives a John Deere." And immediately felt that longing feeling, then despair, then guilt... longing for a baby to put in that hat, despair that it may never happen, and then guilt that my husband may not ever have the chance to be a "Daddy (who) Drives a John Deere"... They didn't last long though. Those feelings used to cripple me; Now they just sting a little.

Seems like I go back to that simple childhood prayer "God is great, God is good." It is so simple, but still so true. I'm trusting in the Holy Spirit to lead me on in the correct way.

Love this:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24

Going to take my own advice and turn to prayer and scripture to get me out of this funk.

Tips for Family and Friends

Well, tonight was another night I got asked the dreaded question, lol... "So, when are y'all gonna start having babies?" In my mind I was thinking "2 years ago if it were up to me." BUT of course I did not say that. I still haven't found the best answer to that question yet. Most of the time I reply with "I'm not sure." But then the other person usually follows with... "Well, are y'all trying?" "Y'all need some babies?" or "Why not?"

Since we have been trying for so long I have not asked another person whether or not they are going to have kids. I had no idea the heartache one little question could bring. They say 1 out of 6 couples will experience some sort of infertility.

There are two types of infertility. Primary and Secondary. Primary is the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse for patients 35 years old or younger, or the inability to concieve in a 6 month period for those in the over 35 age group. Infertility also includes the inability to carry a pregnancy to term.

Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to concieve or carry a child to termafter one or more live births.

So... Why is it so hard to share with someone if there are so many couples struggling with infertility? I think a big reason for me has been people shrugging it off and saying "You just need more time." "You just need to relax." "Well, you could borrow my kids anytime." I have never experienced heartache comparable to what infertility has caused me. Their have been sooooo many emotions that have come and gone with this trial. Now days, I am much more at peace and content, but there are still days that are hard.

So what do I need from those closest to me... Here are a few tips for friends and family members on how to help someone struggling with infertility:

* Sometimes (Not always) I just need someone to listen. No suggestions, no questions, just silence.

* I need others to acknowledge that the hurt I feel is understandable. I know it is hard for someone who has not experienced the heartache of infertility to understand the pain it can cause. But the heart ache is justifyable. Here is some scripture that I think really gets the point across as to the pain inferitlity can cause.

Proverbs 30:15-16
There are three things that will not be satisfied,
Four that will not say, "Enough":
Sheol, and the barren womb,
Earth that is never satisfied with water,
And fire that nevers says, "Enough."

"Sheol is "the grave" or "death" in the Old Testament. It is personified here with other natural forces as entities that can speak. If they could talk, they would never say "I'm satisfied; I need no more." That is, death would never say, "No one else can die because I'm content that the underworld is full." In the same way, after it has rained, the earth eventually soaks up the water. And a fire, unless it runs out of fuel, will not stop simply because it has burned enough. The barren womb is considered to have a feirce parellel to these natural forces."

* If they do comment on my infertility I would prefer them to keep it simple. Less is more. Saying something like "I'm sorry." "I'm here if you want to talk about it." "I hope your parents someday." "How are you doing?" Those comments do plenty of good for me.

* Accept my honest feelings. Sometimes I need more than just to cry. Sometimes I need to vent and be angry. Encouragement is great, but often I need to "let it all out" and feel comfortable doing so.

* It is nice to hear that my grief is justified. I hate for someone to downplay my feelings and say something like "It's not so bad." or "Why do you let it bother you so much?"

* I will let you know all that I am comfortable with. A simple "How are things?" may get a one word response at one time, and a full 30 minute long conversation the next. When you continue to dig and dig for more information there reaches a point where the conversation is more beneficial for you than it is for me. I will share all that I am comfortable with. When I dodge a question, there is probably a good reason for it. So, for my sake, just let it be, and maybe next time I will be more willing to open up.

*** I need prayers. I used to have a hard time asking others to pray for me. But now I am so thankful when someone says "I've been praying for you." WOW, that brings me instant comfort. Prayer is powerful, and the more the better :)


This is not to critique others responses, but instead help them with the understanding of how they could help a loved one struggling with infertility. Maybe if more people understood, than it would be easier to discuss.

I often ask myself two questions:
Is God good? and Will I trust him?

He is so good, and I will trust Him. Although it is painful at times, He does have a plan for me. His plan for me may not include children at all. But the only way for me to be truly at peace is to rest assured in His plan and Him. Although at times I have wondered how I will go on, I am truly thankful for this entire experience. I have grown more close to God than I could have ever imagined.

Chapter 2 overview

The Wedded Unmother: Myths and facts

Chapter 2 was very informative. This chapter touched on common myths and facts about infertility. It touched on the different types of infertility and explained them very well.

I enjoyed the fact that they touched on infertility is not just a woman's problem, BUT my favorite part of the chapter was the "Myth: Infertility is caused by the need to just relax." It is true that chronic stress and fatigue can alter your hormones, but most fertility drugs compensate in cases where hormones fall outside of normal ranges. The very first thing my RE did was bloodwork to examine my hormone levels. So it is hard to believe that this would go unnoticed. "Infertility is more likely to cause stress than to be caused by stress." "80 to 85 percent of the time, doctors find a diagnosable medical cause, for which no amount of relaxation will help."

When I hear that phrase "You just need to relax, and it will happen." It makes my skin crawl. It seems to imply something else that is wrong with ME. Or that I am in some way causing it to happen; that it is my "wrong attitude." that is the problem. I know people say this to be encouraging, but the fact is even if I was relaxed as possible I still may never concieve a child.

I also loved the section that told about the Myth: You can always adopt (if you adopt the pain will go away) Adoption is a wonderful solution for some couples, but it does not take the pain away. The 6 key losses stemming from infertility, compiled by Dr. Pat Johnson, are:

1. loss of control
2. loss of individual genetic community
3. loss of a jointly concieved child
4. loss of the pregnancy and birth experience
5. loss of emotional gratification surrounding pregnancy and birth
6. loss of an oppurtunity to nurture and parent a new generation

Another favorite part of this chapter for me was Myth: Infertility is a curse from God. "The only clear connection in scripture of infertility being  a curse from God, according to the Old Testament Law, was in the case of adultery." It goes on to explain more on the subject and put your heart at ease that infertility is not a direct curse from God.

I am really enjoying this book. It would be especially helpful to someone just entering the beginning "doom and gloom" stages of infertility. However, I have also found it helpful in many ways. I enjoy the constant references to scripture the most.

You can purchase this book from here if you'd like :)

Encouragement :)

Stole this from Truewoman.com. It is so encouraging. Loved it!


How Weakness Won a War:

Is there something in your life right now that feels insurmountable? Do you feel abandoned and alone? Take heart, and pay extra close attention to how weakness won a war.

In Judges 7:12, we find Gideon preparing to lead the troops of Israel into a major battle . . . Their enemies—the Midianites, Amalekites and all the other eastern peoples—“had settled in the valley, thick as locusts. Their camels could no more be counted than the sand on the seashore.”

Bad guys as thick as insects with camels as many as the grains of sand on the seashore! This was a battle that would not be easily won, at least not if it depended on the strength of Gideon and his men. So what did Gideon do? He allowed twenty-two thousand of his men to leave, which left him with just ten thousand. It’s a military strategy that the Pentagon won’t be considering any time soon!

I’d be the first to volunteer to join the group that was leaving, being the wimp that I am. Only the very brave remained, but God said Gideon still had too many men . . . and just like that, Gideon’s army shrank to three hundred. And just as the battle cry was about to sound!

“The three companies blew their trumpets and smashed the jars. Grasping the torches in their left hands and holding in their right hands the trumpets they were to blow, they shouted, ‘A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!’ While each man held his position around the camp, all the Midianites ran, crying out as they fled” (vv. 20-21).

Because of God’s strength and power, Gideon and his armies beat an impossible enemy. But why didn’t God let them pummel them with 33,000? The answer is the best part of this story, in my opinion:

“The Lord said to Gideon, ‘You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead’” (vs. 2-3).

Is it possible that the battle you face today is a reminder that God is strong, you are not, and depending on Him is the only way to win the war? What are you dealing with right now that feels like a battle that cannot be won? Write it down. How is God using your circumstances to show you and others that He is big and strong, and that He is where you should turn for strength? Leave us a comment and tell us about it.

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Cor. 1:25).

The Infertility Companion has arrived! Chapter 1 overview

And yes... I do feel like it is the exact companion I have been needing! I have zoomed through the 1st 3 chapters in 1 night. I am going to give a brief overview of each chapter as I work through it. I am already feeling so much more educated on my emotional responses to all of this and I cannot wait to see what else I will learn through reading this. It has already helped so much :)

Chapter 1 Where We've Been: Your Companions in the Ditch 

Chapter one gives a short bio on the Authors of this book. It establishes credibility for both authors, "Sandra" (theinfertility patient) and "Dr. Bill" (the Christian RE).

Some things that stood out to me were:

"I had been told that infertility patients are second only to cancer patients in terms of what they will endure for a cure, and I found them to have a pretty high level of sophistication."
I can see this being true. All the fertility meds, surgeries, and monthly devastation after devastation, it is a hard road for anyone to go down, and yet most continue down it regardless.

"...grief is a friend. I've learned to trust it to take me to the other side of emotional health."
This really stood out to me because I have never cried and laughed at the same time until all of this started. I have always shyed away from becoming to emotionally charged around other people; however, upon the topic of infertility, I cannot control my outburst AT ALL. And I seem to feel somewhat better after them. So many times I have bawled my eyes out and gasped for air while Mr. R is holding me, just to look up at him with a smile a few minutes later and say... "I feel better now."

"The Weaver is making something beautiful of you're life too. It doesnt seem to make since now, and parts of it will never make since on this side of eternity. You're in the midst of knots and tangles, looking at the incomplete picture from the back side. And there are no magic words to make the pain go away. But while you're there, being stretched on the Weaver's loom, know that you are not alone." I definitely shed some tears after reading this one, lol. I here encouragement of God's providence over and over again, and at times I just want to say "I know, I know...", But for some reason this really resignated with me. This one is definitely getting a spot on my bathroom mirror :)

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19
This book references scripture constantly. I love that about it.

And to explain the idea of the "companion in the ditch." There is a little story about a farmer who is driving along and sees that his neighbor has accidentally driven a tractor into a ditch. The neighbor is hopelessly stuck. The farmer does not have a tow chain or a rope, so he does all that he can do - he gets out of his car, climbs into the cab of the tractor, and sits with his friend in the ditch." This book strives to provide some comfort and companionship in the ditch that is infertility.

There were many other noteworthy writings in Chapter one. I would have to copy the entire chapter to make sure all good information was passed along (and I'm pretty sure that is illegal, or I would do it). Stay tuned for an overview of Chapter 2: The Wedded Unmother, Myths and Facts.

You can purchase this book from here if you would like to have a copy for yourself.

Book: The Infertility Companion

I just ordered this book! The reviews sound great and I cannot wait until it comes in to get a better understanding of all this hospital talk, lol.

You can buy it here if you'd like. I'll post a review later on :)

Radio Session...

Check out this inspiring Link from Revive Our Hearts, with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Great insight on not idolizing your want for a child as well as other idols :) I enjoyed it, and hope you do too.

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10958

Handling Debbie Downers...

Through this little adventure we have been on I have learned a very valuable lesson... EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION. While I love to hear their opinions on the matter some of them are judgmental, harsh, and to be honest... just plain ignorant.

I've heard and read others plan of what they would do in my situation so many times... The fact of the matter is, unless they are in the situation themselves they do not know what they would do. Before trying to concieve a baby became an issue in my life I never had an opinion on what I would do if the circumstance would arise. As far as I knew at the time, it wasn't something that I had to think about. The average person doesn't know all of the facts. They do not know the procedures for testing/treatment. They haven't done the research. As good intentioned as their thoughts/advice may be, most people aren't knowledgable enough on the subject to give a well-informed opinion.

It's hard knowing how to handle outside opinions, especially when they are negative. Some solutions for me have been keeping things private to only close friends and family members. Not that I am ashamed at all for others to know, but it seems when people find out that I have been trying to become pregnant for a while they want to tell me a certain sexual position or an eating ritual that will "fix the problem." I know their intentions mean no harm, but it can make for an uncomfortable situation.

I do not in any way want to de-value the importance of others opinions on fertility; I think it is great to hear what those who know you best think on the issue. I think it is especially important if you are a christian, to seek advice from fellow christians about what they think or advice they have.

Bottom line... Don't let the ignorant statements of others get you down. First and foremost go to the lord in prayer and ask for guidance and wisdom; look to scripture before any other literature. Then do your research and examine the facts. Seek advice and help from those who are closest to you and who share your faith. Trust God to lead you in the direction he wants you to go in. Put what pleases him before your own pleasures, and he will hear you.

One of my favorite promises from God:

" ¹⁴ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. ¹⁵ Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14-15

It's Starting!

So... It's been a while since I posted; Sorry about that. I've been very busy making time to see my hubby and with some doctors appointments... YES, you read correctly I said doctors appointments!

The hubby and I decided to do some test to see if we could find a cause for not getting pregnant yet. Out of respect for each other, Mr. R and I have decided not to share our test results (good or bad) on this blog.

Dr. W, what I'll call my infertility doctor as of now, was suprisingly laid back and not at all what I was expecting. I was very pleasantly suprised by his approach and the time he took to speak with me. I was terrified he would be a IVF quintuplet making scientist LOL... which needless to say is the opposite of what I am looking for. He let me know immediately that he likes to keep things as simple as possible and IVF was almost a last resort to him. He preferred less invasive treatments when possible, which was a relief to hear!

Interestingly enough... My Hubby was home just a day before my appointment to have a semen analysis ran; that alone is a miracle in itself with his work schedule. On my appointment day my cycle was perfectly lined out to begin the basic testing that day... Everything is working out so perfectly it is almost creepy. I do believe God is at work in this area of our lives (as well as all other areas).

ALSO! Our insurance has covered a great deal of the cost of the tests we had to have ran; which is unbelievable considering most insurance companies do not cover infertility testing. We were expecting to have to pay for everything going into this. Which is another reason we have waited so long before actually doing anything. God provides outlets continuously for us! It is truly by his Grace alone we are able to continue in our pursuit to become parents.

So, in case you're wondering what we are doing now here it goes... I have to call the office on the first day of my next cycle (in a couple of weeks) and start some fertility medication. We are considering having an IUI done when My Hubby gets back home from working in September. For those wondering, an IUI is where Dr. W will take the Hubby's sperm and place it a little closer to my egg at the exact time I am ovulating. The sperm and egg are still doing all the work in my body; They just help the sperm with the journey to the egg at the perfect time... That's the best I can describe it :) However, we haven't officially decided on this yet. Still have many questions to ask, many prayers to be said, and a lot of conversation to be had.

I must say my husband has been amazing through all of this!!! He blows my mind daily with his support and advice. He is such a comfort to me, and I can't imagine going through any of this without him. He has lifted me up from a failed-fetal-position time and time again. He is so sensitive to my feelings, as crazy and ever-changing as they may be. He has been so level headed and comforting during this entire experience; I cannot say enough good things about him.

There is no clear picture in scripture as of what to do in our situation. I have been reading many different opinions and articles on the subject; none are the same, and all of them seem to contradict each other. I am starting to see that it is a matter of the heart, and not as black and white as I would like it to be.

I am trying to keep a Christ centered mind set during all of this. It is hard amongst all of the excitement and running around to keep his pleasure first in my mind. I know all things are in his hands, and that is a huge comfort and security to me. I'm praying for his guidance and for wisdom while we make all of these decisions. I am so humbled by all God has done and is still doing for us. It is amazing to witness it all.

That is all for now. This blog has been amazing for me to vent, and get everything out there. I hope it will help others who may be dealing with a similar situation :)

"So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."
2 Corinthians 5:9